[Fix Needs Testing 72959] Proofreading offline mode

Hello! I started playing Shroud of the Avatar in offline mode a few weeks ago, and I noticed several typos and misspellings. I will post the screenshots (if possible) and the corrections in this thread.

I might make mistakes, therefore let us remember that old Jewish proverb: "Correct a fool, and he will hate you. Correct a wise man, and you will make him/her wiser".

 

ERROR n.1
SCENE: Battle of Solace Bridge
LOCATION: journal entry "Escape the battle of Solace Bridge"
ERRATA: "Select a specific task to see it's details." (it's = it is details)
CORRECTION: "Select a specific task to see its details." (its = the details of it)

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ERROR n.2
SCENE: Battle of Solace Bridge
LOCATION: letter from Hobart to Zorabeth
ERRATA: "The enemy is more deadly then we could have ever believed" (then = later)
CORRECTION: "The enemy is more deadly than we could have ever believed" (more ... than = comparison)

~~~~

ERROR n.3
SCENE: Ardoris
LOCATION: dialogue with Simone von Eglinger
---> KEYWORD: target
ERRATA: [the children] were all struck in the head or neck [by a single black arrow], as if fired on from above. (line & error repeated twice, in white and in yellow)
CORRECTION: [the children] were all struck in the head or neck [by a siingle black arrow], as if shot from above.

In a setting where arrows are far more common than gunpowder (so far, I did not see any evidence of gunpowder in Shroud of the Avatar), the expression "fire an arrow" is anachronistic. Furthermore, even today, any professional archer is annoyed by the expression "fire an arrow". Arrows are shot, nothing gets on fire in the process.

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ERROR n.4
SCENE: Ardoris
LOCATION: dialogue with Simone von Eglinger
---> KEYWORD: help
ERRATA: "You're help means so much to me." (you're = you are help)
CORRECTION: "Your help means so much to me." (your = the help of/from you)

~~~~

ERROR n.5
SCENE: Ardoris
LOCATION: dialogue with Tanya Cumpston
---> KEYWORD: children
ERRATA: How could anyone do such a thing.
CORRECTION: How could anyone do such a thing?

A rethorical question is still a question, therefore it must end with a question mark.

~~~~

ERROR n.6
SCENE: Ardoris
LOCATION: dialogue with Fiona FitzOwen
---> KEYWORD: crossbow
ERRATA: "[this crossbow] has always fired true."
CORRECTION: "[this crossbow] has always hit true."

See above, error n.3

 

ERROR n.7
SCENE: Ardoris
LOCATION: dialogue with the boy (Lucille's slave)
---> KEYWORD: cage
ERRATA: Isn't it nice!
CORRECTION: Isn't it nice?

See above, error n.5

~~~~

ERROR n.8
SCENE: Ardoris
LOCATION: dialogue with Beatrice
---> KEYWORD: ellery
ERRATA: [Ellery] "is usually near the canal south of the here"
CORRECTION: "she is usually near the canal south of here"

~~~~

ERROR n.9
SCENE: Ardoris
LOCATION: dialogue with Beatrice
---> KEYWORD: Samael
ERRATA: "If anyone has the gift to talk with spirits, it's Sameal."
CORRECTION: "If anyone has the gift to talk with spirits, it's Samael."

~~~~

ERROR n.10
SCENE: Ardoris
LOCATION: dialogue with Chen
---> KEYWORD: truth (pt.2)
ERRATA: "You have a growing reputation as an trustworthy and fair-minded adventurer"
CORRECTION: "You have a growing reputation as a trustworthy and fair-minded adventurer"

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ERROR n.11
SCENE: Ardoris
LOCATION: dialogue with Chen
---> KEYWORD: help (answer)
ERRATA: "Absolutely. I'll want to keep people safe."
CORRECTION: "Absolutely yes. I'll want to keep people safe."

"Absolutely" by itself simply means "completely", "100%". It does NOT mean "yes".

In spoken language, "absolutely" is accompanied by a movement of the head meaning "yes" or "no", but in written language you must always specifiy whether you mean "Absolutely yes" or "Absolutely not" to avoid confusion.

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ERROR n.12
SCENE: Ardoris
LOCATION: dialogue with Yen
---> KEYWORD: love
ERRATA: "Many people through troughout the land know you..."
CORRECTION: "Many people troughout the land know you..."

 

ERROR n.13
SCENE: Ardoris
LOCATION: dialogue with Susewill
---> KEYWORD: confirmatory
ERRATA: "I've thought of observing people as they left to see who looked like the Oracle revealed a guilty conscious."
CORRECTION: ???

The sentence does not make sense.

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ERROR n.14
SCENE: Ardoris
LOCATION: dialogue with Margaery
---> KEYWORD: love
ERRATA: "We makes fools of ourselves for love"
CORRECTION: "We make fools of ourselves for love"

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ERROR n.15
SCENE: Ardoris
LOCATION: dialogue with Damai
---> KEYWORD: undead
ERRATA: "Fnd the quiet man in a public place"
CORRECTION: "Find the quiet man in a public place"

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ERROR n.16
SCENE: any
LOCATION: book "Through the Lunar Rift III"
ERRATA: "Some pretty entitled people"
CORRECTION: "Some pretty self-entitled people"

"Entitled" means that someone received the right (the title) for something (e.g. any President of the United States is entitled to live in the White House).

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ERROR n.17
SCENE: any
LOCATION: book "Through the Lunar Rift IV"
ERRATA: "marshal law"
CORRECTION: "martial law"

"Martial" comes from "Martis", Latin for "of Mars", the god of war. Therefore, a "martial law" is a "law of wartime" (literally, a "law imposed by the god of war").

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ERROR n.18
SCENE: any
LOCATION: book "Through the Lunar Rift IV"
ERRATA: "And who exactly is this Halmar that appointed himself guardian and protector of a once peaceful hunting village."
CORRECTION: "And who exactly is this Halmar that appointed himself guardian and protector of a once peaceful hunting village?"

A rethorical question is still a question, therefore it must end with a question mark.

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ERROR n.19
SCENE: any
LOCATION: book "Through the Lunar Rift VI"
ERRATA: "I would still at home."
CORRECTION: "I would still be at home."

 

fix needs testing as of 1829

 

I edited my reports above by adding "---> KEYWORD: ".
Now I am writing to the next batch of errata corrige, where I conclude the Perennial Coast and start with the Longfall peninsula.

 

ERROR n.21 & 22
SCENE: Solania
LOCATION: dialogue with Henry
KEYWORD: stopping
ERRATA: "We have a really wonderful community. But when outsiders visit, it is my job to asses if they are a threat. I'd much rather someone chat voluntarily."
CORRECTION: "We have a really wonderful community, but when outsiders visit, it is my job to asses if they are a threat. I'd much rather prefer someone chat voluntarily."

Grammar rule: "but" must always be preceded by a comma; a sentence can never start with "but".
"Rather" is not a verb.

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ERROR n.22
SCENE: Solania
LOCATION: dialogue with Henry
KEYWORD: automaton
ERRATA: "Who is to say they haven't already infiltrated us."
CORRECTION: "Who is to say they haven't already infiltrated us?"

A rethoric question is still a question, and it needs a question mark.

~~~~

ERROR n.23
SCENE: Solania
LOCATION: dialogue with Allen
KEYWORD: travellers
ERRATA: "Who'd want to live in a swamp."
CORRECTION: "Who'd want to live in a swamp?"

A rethoric question is still a question, and it needs a question mark.

~~~~

ERROR n.24
SCENE: Solania
LOCATION: dialogue with Elinda
KEYWORD: awkward
ERRATA: "[...] or you did feel bad but didn't want to say anything about it [...]"
CORRECTION: "[...] or you did feel bad, but didn't want to say anything about it [...]"

Grammar rule: "but" must always be preceded by a comma.

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ERROR n.25
SCENE: Blood River massacre
LOCATION: dialogue with Robert Villines
KEYWORD: Obsidians
ERRATA: "Their armies razed the land and detroyed entire cultures."
CORRECTION: "Their armies razed the land and destroyed entire cultures."

~~~~

ERROR n.26
SCENE: Blood River Outskirts
LOCATION: dialogue with Eilliana
KEYWORD: refugee
ERRATA: "...it's been awhile since we've seen any..."
CORRECTION: "...it's been a while since we've seen any..."

The difference between "awhile" and "a _ while" is subtle, indeed. I an not 100% sure about this one.

~~~~

ERROR n.27
SCENE: Blood River Outskirts
LOCATION: dialogue with Alberic
KEYWORD: job
ERRATA: "...the elder of my people. But now..."
CORRECTION: "...the elder of my people, but now..."

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ERROR n.28 & 29
SCENE: Blood River Outskirts
LOCATION: dialogue with Vinicius
KEYWORD: job
ERRATA: "...I'm not entirely certain. But be that as it may, that's what I made - elven wine."
CORRECTION: "...I'm not entirely certain, but be that as it may, that's what I made: elven wine."

"But" must be preceded by a comma.
Outside the States, dashes are not only deprecated, they are not even mentioned in schools. In this case, the dash is a placeholder for a colon.

~~~~

ERROR n.30
SCENE: Blood River Outskirts
LOCATION: dialogue with Titus
KEYWORD: job
ERRATA: "I train adventurers such as yourself learn the skills they need..."
CORRECTION: "I train adventurers so that they learn the skills they need..."

Double verb?

~~~~

ERROR n.31
SCENE: Blood River Outskirts
LOCATION: dialogue with Phineas Dumplemouth
KEYWORD: job
ERRATA: "THE premiere elf hunter"
CORRECTION: "THE top elf hunter"

Unnecessary French word (and wrong, too: "première" is French for "first"), unless it is done on purpose because it fits the character personality.

~~~~

ERROR n.32
SCENE: Blood River Outskirts
LOCATION: dialogue with Vinicius
KEYWORD: heirloom
ERRATA: "I can return it to it's proper owner" (it's = it is proper owner)
CORRECTION: "I can return it to its proper owner" (its = the owner of it)

~~~~

ERROR n.33
SCENE: Blood River Outskirts
LOCATION: dialogue with Bearfield
KEYWORD: give her the Cleansing Manifesto
ERRATA: "...attack a non-hostile peoples..."
CORRECTION: "...attack non-hostile people..."

~~~~

ERROR n.34
SCENE: Blood River Outskirts
LOCATION: dialogue with Bearfield
KEYWORD: violence
ERRATA: "...[he] also amassed, what one can only call, is a small army."
CORRECTION: "...[he] also amassed what one can only call a small army."

~~~~

ERROR n.35
SCENE: Blood River Outskirts
LOCATION: dialogue with Gus
KEYWORD: [return autoaton monkey]
ERRATA: "I thought I'd never find my little friends, again."
CORRECTION: "I thought I'd never find my little friends again."

There should be no comma.

~~~~

I am told that in the States the grammar rules of punctuation are more like "general guidelines", but not all SAFV players are from the States. For us, punctuation rules are "precise rules set in stone". Therefore, when I correct punctuation, feel free to fix it or ignore it.

FAQ: What is "SAFV"? Sorry, but in my native language, "sota" literally means "under" or "below".

 

SCENE: Aerie

After compiling the list, I organized it in three sections. This is why the numbers are out of order (there is no error n.62).


~~~~ TYPOS AND GRAMMAR MISTAKES ~~~~

MISTAKE n.38
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Sergio
KEYWORD: pilgrim
ERRATUM: "[...] and those are skeptical remain."
CORRECTION: "[...] and those who are skeptical remain."

The "who" is missing.

~~~~

MISTAKE n.41
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Fendrys
KEYWORD: spirituality
ERRATUM: "Those who are seek awareness"
CORRECTION: "Those who seek awareness" or "Those who are seeking awareness"

~~~~

MISTAKE n.42
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Fendrys
KEYWORD: humility
ERRATUM: "Yes he walks the path anyway"
CORRECTION: "Yet he walks the path anyway"

"Yet", not "yes".

~~~~

MISTAKE n.43
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Tomas Cucu
KEYWORD:
ERRATUM: "an trustworthy and fair-minded adventurer"
CORRECTION: "a trustworthy and fair-minded adventurer"

"A", not "an".

~~~~

MISTAKE n.44
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Tomas Cucu
KEYWORD: shrine
ERRATUM: "[this] led me to Thomas."
CORRECTION: "[this] led me to Fendrys."

Lines copied & pasted from Fendrys.

~~~~

MISTAKE n.45
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Isabel Spalding
KEYWORD: Boreas
ERRATUM: "He as the Titan of Truth"
CORRECTION: "He is the Titan of Truth"

"is", not "as".

~~~~

MISTAKE n.46
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Gabrielle Townsend
KEYWORD: truth
ERRATUM: "The guy just up and vanishes one day."
CORRECTION: "The guy just gets up and vanishes one day."

Missing verb ("up" is not a verb).

~~~~

MISTAKE n.49
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Logan Howard
KEYWORD: outlander
ERRATUM: "seeds of greatness within is."
CORRECTION: "seeds of greatness within us."

"us", not "is".

~~~~

MISTAKE n.50
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Sara Wells
KEYWORD: Etceter
ERRATUM: "Are their quiet hours at night for humans there?" ("their quiet hours" = "the quiet hours of them")
CORRECTION: "Are there quiet hours at night for humans there?"

~~~~

MISTAKE n.52
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Lord Macsen
KEYWORD: truth
ERRATUM: "truth is the principal" (principal = "main" or even "school director")
CORRECTION: "truth is the principle"

~~~~

MISTAKE n.53
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Ardolin
KEYWORD: truth
ERRATUM: "try to hang their hat on their honest all the same."
CORRECTION: "try to hang their hat on their honesty all the same."

"honesty", not "honest".

~~~~

MISTAKE n.54
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Ardolin
KEYWORD: elf
ERRATUM: "Contact is limited and rare, but usually peaceful. But then again, some caravans report unprovoked attacks"
CORRECTION: "Contact is limited and rare, but usually peaceful. Still, some caravans report unprovoked attacks"

Repeated "but" (minor: never start a sentence with "but").

~~~~

MISTAKE n.55
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: journal, offer to help Lord Macsen
ERRATUM: "I am are the perfect person to help him"
CORRECTION: "I am the perfect person to help him"

Double verb.

~~~~

MISTAKE n.58
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Yirka
KEYWORD: worried
ERRATUM: "I REFUSE! elven and humankind are [...]"
CORRECTION: "I REFUSE! Elven and humankind are [...]"

Capitalization at beginning of sentence.

~~~~

MISTAKE n.60
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Addy Amour
KEYWORD: Longfall
ERRATUM: "an peninsula so we have to rely"
CORRECTION: "a peninsula, so we have to rely"

One typo and one missing comma.

~~~~

MISTAKE n.61
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: journal, ask James Cook about the key
ERRATUM: "James was engraved on it's side." (it's = on it is side)
CORRECTION: "James was engraved on its side." (its = on the side of it)

~~~~

MISTAKE n.63
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Sophie Harper
KEYWORD: pilgrim
ERRATUM: "a pack of corpions"
CORRECTION: "a pack of scorpions"

Maybe this is intentional. I found three Aerie characters saying "corpion" instead of "scorpion".

~~~~

MISTAKE n.65
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Yngvarr Diggins
KEYWORD: comet
ERRATUM: "locale fauna"
CORRECTION: "local fauna"

"locale" is French for "location"

~~~~

MISTAKE n.66
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Natasha
KEYWORD: rumors
ERRATUM: "Lord Marshel"
CORRECTION: "Lord Marshal"

~~~~

MISTAKE n.68
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Sally Buttons
KEYWORD: Anne
ERRATUM: "her morals in tact"
CORRECTION: "her morals intact"

"intact" is one word.

~~~~

MISTAKE n.69
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Romuald
KEYWORD: luck
ERRATUM: "a fool but believing in luck"
CORRECTION: "a fool for believing in luck"

"for", not "but"

~~~~

MISTAKE n.70
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Orin Armstrong
KEYWORD: Etceter
ERRATUM: "We get shipments in pretty regular. But not quite as regular as when I first started tending these docks come to think of it."
CORRECTION: "We get shipments in pretty regularly, but not quite as regularly as when I first started tending these docks, come to think of it."

~~~~

MISTAKE n.71
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Orin Armstrong
KEYWORD: Etceter
ERRATUM: "prolly"
CORRECTION: "probably"

~~~~

MISTAKE n.72
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Orin Armstrong
KEYWORD: Bay of Storms
ERRATUM: "the Bay of Storms is easier than crossing other areas of Novia."
CORRECTION: "crossing the Bay of Storms is easier than crossing other areas of Novia."

~~~~










~~~~ MAJOR PUNCTUATION ERRORS ~~~~

ERROR n.36
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Falcon
KEYWORD: name
ERRATUM: "Falcon, yes - yes, I know. Falcon from Aerie, what were my parents thinking."
CORRECTION: "Falcon. Yes, yes, I know: Falcon from Aerie. What were my parents thinking?"

The punctuation in this line is all over the place.

~~~~

ERROR n.37
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Falcon
KEYWORD: error
ERRATUM: "I don't need any help, traveller. But, do you need any help... perhaps [...]"
CORRECTION: "I don't need any help, traveller, but do you need any help? Perhaps [...]"

The punctuation in this line is all over the place.

~~~~

ERROR n.39
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Fitzpatrick Robel
KEYWORD: Boreas
ERRATUM: "No one has seen of heard from the Titan in some time. But who can guess how Titans are supposed to behave."
CORRECTION: "No one has seen of heard from the Titan in some time, but who can guess how Titans are supposed to behave?"

Missing question mark (and comma).

~~~~

ERROR n.48
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Miriam Healy
KEYWORD: job
ERRATUM: "Are your eyes troubling you child? Little old for work aren't I?"
CORRECTION: "Are your eyes troubling you, child? Little old for work, aren't I?"

Two missing commas.

~~~~

ERROR n.51
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Isobel Reid
KEYWORD: Blood River
ERRATUM: "Who did they anger I wonder."
CORRECTION: "Who did they anger, I wonder." or "I wonder who did they anger."

~~~~

ERROR n.56
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Zoe Cornelly
KEYWORD: truth
ERRATUM: "Here is a valuble truth, sometimes an unpleasant affair can be necessary and beneficial."
CORRECTION: "Here is a valuble truth: sometimes an unpleasant affair can be necessary and beneficial."

Colon, not comma.

~~~~

ERROR n.57
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Yirka
KEYWORD: worried
ERRATUM: "Why can't we all just get along!"
CORRECTION: "Why can't we all just get along?"

A rethoric question must still end with a question mark.

~~~~

ERROR n.59
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Yirka
KEYWORD: help
ERRATUM: "Oh, you meant work, no - I have no tasks of that nature but I'm sure the guards [...]"
CORRECTION: "Oh, you meant work! No, I have no tasks of that nature, but I'm sure the guards [...]"

Three punctuation mistakes. The dash here is a placeholder for a comma.

~~~~









~~~~ MINOR PUNCTUATION ERRORS ~~~~
I don't see why there should be two different sets of punctuation rules, one shared by all-but-one languages using our alphabet, and the other ruleset for English alone.

~~~~

ERROR n.40
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Kyle Behrand
KEYWORD: Vertas
ERRATUM: "I will tell you this - treat the with respect"
CORRECTION: "I will tell you this: treat the with respect"

The dash here is a placeholder for a colon.

~~~~

ERROR n.47
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Miriam Healy
KEYWORD: elf
ERRATUM: "Cut my husband down they did - right outside these walls!"
CORRECTION: "Cut my husband down, they did, right outside these walls!"

The dash here is a placeholder for a comma (or an ellipsis).

~~~~

ERROR n.64
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Fitz Gaeaf (I'm sure he's a FitzOwen)
KEYWORD: orphan
ERRATUM: "All that was saved, save me - was this journal"
CORRECTION: "All that was saved, save me, was this journal"

ERRATUM: "Fitzobelingdoit, naw - I don't much look like a dwarf"
CORRECTION: "Fitzobelingdoit... Naw, I don't much look like a dwarf"

The two dashes in this paragraph are both placeholders for commas.

~~~~

ERROR n.67
SCENE: Aerie
LOCATION: dialogue with Marlin
KEYWORD: I'll help, but peacefully
ERRATUM: "to hunt you down and kill you - period."
CORRECTION: "to hunt you down and kill you, period."

The dash here is a placeholder for a comma.

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