Looking for input: "Kobold Industry"

I posted this track elsewhere in the "Music Making Month Marathon Megathread", but this song (The Clockwork Storm) is now in work to be considered for being used in-game for the "Kobold Industry" front line track.

I'm hoping that my fellow Avatars - Everyone, not just musicians - Would listen to this track and tell me what you picture in your mind and what sort of feeling it evokes for you.

I'm concerned that the track isn't quite "gritty" enough. However, my various attempts to make it so thus far have made the song sound somewhat out of character to me. By out of character, I mean substantially divergent when compared to the general feel of every other song I've heard in-game so far. Maybe that's not a bad thing, because the example provided by Portalarium to get a feel for what they are looking for is the song "Sail" by "AWOLNation". (Easy to find on YouTube if you don't know that one)

Basically, I'm trying to give the song that sort of gritty, dirty-esque feel, while trying to avoid the modern alternative pop feel that the "Sail" song has.

Here is the version I initially submitted. This one is a complete song, but I thought it didn't quite match the vision that Portalarium had in mind as it's a little bit too uplifting during the last half prior to the break.



And here is my latest version, currently in-work. It is not a complete song, but it has what I think is a bit more of a gritty feel throughout the first half. I took out my main melody line(s) that start at 1:35 because I felt they were too happy. As of now, the second half of the song prior to the break is lacking a primary melody. I plan to come up with a harsh or gritty sounding melody following 1:35, progressing through the build up the crescendo before the break. (At the same time I've had people tell me the end doesn't need an additional melody! So, I'm looking for opinions.)



Anyhow, know it will take some time out of your day to listen to these two tracks closely enough to critique them and provide me with feedback. So, to those of you who do, allow me to thank you profusely; I really appreciate it the help.

 

I listened to the final version you submitted and it is really quite excellent.

Don't be discouraged by the lack of feedback, the sub-forum is new, and I'm positive people who wander in will appreciate links to the music and sneak peeks of the process

 

Hey, I just had a chance to check it out (on crappy headphones) and I think it's improving..

The way I see it you can go two directions - 1) make it more ambient 2) keep going ahead with it being filled out with layers and instruments. I think either would work but I am tending to think this track would be better as a creepy ambient thing.

Anyways the vibe and tone sounds decent but still needs some refining.

I like what you did with v5 with the chords and the panning and chord cresendos

I would also suggest to reconsider some of the chords progression and maybe try to go for a counterpoint of the chords to the melodies.. I didn't particulary think it is well suited that when the melodies go higher, that the chords follow the same. Basically I would try to find chords that basically play against the melody instead of follow them.

cheers

 

I think it sounds great as a piece of music! I think the majority of the instrumentation works very well. The only thing that catches my attention that I would make suggestions with is the rhythmic ostinato you begin at :24 on both selections. My ears hear a modern groove (like club music) that really overtakes the feel of the song because that ostinato is present in the majority of the song. It makes it sounds really nice, but for my ears, it takes away from my imagination of a medieval or renaissance time period. This is not to say this isn't a nice piece of music. But for me, thats what my ears tell me. I hope this was positive and constructive. I think the instrumentation of what you have as the backbone of this piece work very well. (i'm bias - percussionist) I say in general, more percussion to music in is better . I hope to hear more from you. I have been following your work. I like your ideas. Especially when you use the marimba. One of my favorite instruments . Please critic my work as well whenever you get a chance. I value criticism.

 

You'll have to bare with me as I try to explain what I think of your composition (I only took one music appreciation course at college). The song does make me think of industry, what I think it lacks is a weight to it that immerses you in a certain mood. The song "Sail" has very low chords contrasted with some high chords throughout; these low chords do a very good job of immersion, the chords sweep you into a certain mood (it becomes a sort of primal thing). With the example of "Sail," I think Portalarium wanted the strong beats in the background, that make one think of methodical hammering. It also feels as if your composition may be a touch too whimsical, I do not know if it is gritty enough yet. I did enjoy your track and I think it is coming along swimmingly, with people like you, this game will have a great deal of fantastic music.

Cheers!

p.s. I hope this helps

 

Everyone,

Thanks very much for your input! When you stare at / listen to something too many times over and over you can get tunnel vision (tunnel hearing?) and I really appreciate the additional viewpoints.

Here's the latest iteration of Clockwork Storm, with some improvements based on what you have all said. It's got a bit more of an ambient feel, a bit more weight, and a few more harsh-sounding instruments. The second half is much improved over Version 8, I think.

 

The gritty drums and distortion and technical parts are definitely in-line with the lore of the Kobolds (that small amount of lore which I am familiar with). My understanding was this particular piece was intended to feel a more technological and advanced, which Kailef produces excellently.

 

I'm no musician so all what I can say is...I like this song and it fits to small kobolds running around busy
The very first song ( 5 ) I like most

 

Version 5 is more in the vein of how I originally envisioned the song, before I began to modify it to have a darker, gritty sound to match what Portalarium was looking for with this particular track. When I wrote it a month ago, I had "pudgy little inventor Gnomes" in mind, not a gritty Kobold industrial machine. The song had the right general feel, clockwork in nature, but it needed to be made in to weighty, crunchy steel clockwork instead of happy glockenspiel clockwork.

If you like version 5 of this song, you might like version 3 even more, as it has even less of a "gritty" sound. The older ones are on my Soundcloud at http://soundcloud.com/kailef if you want to hear them. The "looping version 3" was my finished product prior to modifying it for the Kobold Industry song.

I'm now working with Holt and the other Poets' Circle members on finalizing the song for submission. Wish me luck!

 

thanks and your right, there are "pudgy little inventor Gnomes" in my mind too
and I'll keep my fingers crossed

 

yeah its really good and is one of the reasons i dont want relaly want to post tracks with just a direct input guitar because theres really no way to compete with that unless they need solo guitar

 

Thanks for all your input, everyone.

I've completed and submitted the final version for review by Poets' Circle, and if approved, it's on it's way to be evaluated by Portalarium. The track is posted in the "Crowdsourced Music Final Submission Thread". Wish me luck!

 

"That's deep! Rich! and VIBRANT!" !!
~Time Lord~

 

yeah what did you use to make it?

i would prefer to have old fashioned 4 or 8 track recording devices all this computer based stuff just conspires against me it seems to make life a lot harder and more stressful either that or im' a specialist at unknowingly breaking my own computer.