Guard Michael wishes you a Merry Christmas! (Top Responses)

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see, he can be social.​

While you are all going about unwrapping presents, spending time with family and friends, and very patiently awaiting news of Release 2, I am busily ensconsed in my secret overground lair (no really, my home office is basically a man-cave) working through the conversation data collected from Release 1. Obviously, quite a bit of it is from everyone's favorite insistent gatekeeper of Owl's Head, Guard Michael.

Quite a few of you have asked for word on some of the more interesting responses players have had for NPCs, and here's a first look: where people have told poor Michael where they're from. I don't know why you folks have to lie to the guy so much, he's just doing his job!

The Top 10 Places Guard Michael Doesn't Know Exist (they'll be added for R2, along with others):

10) around (I hope you are more polite at traffic stops!)
9) out of town (ok, I can see that)
8) hell (really? 31 of you told him that.)
7) Britania (I know, spelling counts, but with 33 entries that was common enough to add)
6) home (good, if indistinct)
5) over there (51 of you weren't even trying)
4) nowhere (72 of you suffer from existential anomie)
3) here (even more indistinct, I guess)
2) I don't know (this one REALLY should have been recognized, as pointed out in a few reviews)
1) far away (as should this one.. 110 of you tried to be truthful!)

And the ...oddest entries?

Some of you are from cities and countries I didn't think to add. And I added a LOT of them.

• Kolkata
• Stuttgart
• Strasbourg
• Heber Springs
• Moldova
• Praha

Some of you are just a bit surreal.

• FROM THE SKIES!!!!!
• Owl City
• South Amboy
• THE HOOD
• I'm from pizza castle, you ordered from us about an hour ago.
• Wal-Mart
• funkytown
• KAMEHAMEHA!
• Seti Alpha 4
• DON'T PANIC!
• Taco Bell
• Compton. You?

Some of you just don't like guards.

• Is that important?
• This is none of your concern.
• that is none of your concern ser douchenozzle
• I'm not telling you.
• Wherever I choose to be from worm!
• from none of your business ville
• Don't give me attitude, you are the one demanding I talk to you!
• Don't worry about that, I'll just run past you and your slow armor.
• You know what... I got in easy. You should do better. (come on, it's R1, his sword doesn't work)

Some of you like guards a wee bit too much.

• Tis I, your son from Marian from the next town!
• Your mothers womb good sir! That's right, I'm your brother!

Quite a few of you were confused about what game you were actually playing:

• Gnomeregan
• Qeynos
• Tyria
• Ord Mantell
• I'm not from vvardenfell if that is what you are asking
• The Shire
• Westeros
• The Great Kingdom of Faerun
• Midgard
• The City of Heroes (I miss that game, too)
• Blue Mountains
• Second Life

Some of you clearly are playing the long game:

• I was created by a nice looking man.
• I am an exiled prince from Macedonia
• My name is Ao.

And some of you just have issues. Here are the few... PG rated ones.

• I didn't ask a question, f***er.
• Yo mama. At least recently.
• I don't remember. I am a video game cliche.
• i hate you
• Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why Judas rat to Romans while Jesus slept?
• Well Shiny Tin Man of Guardiness - I am from those empty houses behind me.
• I'm from Mars, all men are from Mars, and women are from Venus.
• Boobtown
• That wasn't a question. I'm from somewhere you could never dream of.
• my damn house
• Okay, Mr. Grumpy, have it your way. I'm from that house over there. I just moved it. See for yourself. It has a tent and everything.

We'll do our best to make NPCs more responsive going forward... but I'm afraid Guard Michael will never know where Funkytown is.

Until then, happy holidays and merry christmas, and see you next year!

 

I hope that poor guard will earn a lot of money... xD

 

Merry Christmas Guard Michael! You douchenozzle.

 

Data analysis at 4am.. I know it well.
Now that I think about it, I should have put more Hitch Hikers Guide references in to give Lum a chuckle. DON'T PANIC!

 

Happy Holidays to guard Michael and his alter ego! Looking forward to seeing you in the New Year!

 

Bahahahah!

 

That was pretty funny! Merry Christmas to you and the rest of the team. Now I feel a little guilty about some of the things I said to the NPCs.

 

I can't remember wether I told it Adelaide or to go $#%* himself but either way I got the huh? Response

 

LOL, thanks for posting that Lum.

I hope George Michael or whatever his name is gets some good come back lines for R2.

 

Oh, he is. Including for the 8 people who asked if he was married.

 

"Greetings and g'Morn, Merry welome to Pizza Castle of Kingsport. Guaranteed 30 hours delivery. May I take thine order?"

Thanks Lum! May the man cave have warm tidings!

 

That would be very interesting, and certainly a surprise to players unaccustomed to NPCs responding with good come back lines

 

While terrible, out-of-character, immersion breaking, and silly, I did laugh at this one:

• I'm from pizza castle, you ordered from us about an hour ago.

Well played, R1 testers, well played.

 

I told him I was from his mom's house... He never heard of that! I just assumed his mom was a vagabond a rolling stone. She likely dumped him as a child because he was a goody two shoes narc.
Merry Christmas!

 

Will Michael be taking a break sometime? He might be getting tired from guarding day and night...? NPC cycles??

 

Lum: That's alot of likes you have there

Merry Christmas!

 

Thanks Lum for this neat Christmas present! Looking forward to the improvements in R2.

 

Merry Christmas, Yule, Kwanza, Chanukah, Solstice, or whatever else you may be celebrating, and to those to which none applies, happy beer to you.

 

I thought of this response too late...

I come from a land down under where beer does flow and men chunder.

 

Merry Christmas to Guard Michael and any other NPCs who can probably 1-shot-insta-kill my Avatar. Cheers!