The Biggest and Most Evil Beast is NOT Fiction !

Hi mateys !

Crikey ! It's a bit posh in here innit? I've not been in the la-di-da Avatar thingy forums before ! All very professional and everything ! Apparently there was even a forum post about whether you are going to get horse mounts in the game and if so, whether they would disappear when not in use or whether you would have to tie them up! It's good stuff innit? I reckon you could write a thesis on just that !

Anyways, I don't know why you got me rabbiting on about mounts - disappearing horses are very distracting !

I'm here to give you the heads-up about the ol' guv'nor. He's like a bear with a sore head ! Got a face screwed-up like a wasp chewing a bull-dog ! (Yes, I did get that the right way around you cheeky monkeys !) I've not seen such a foul mood since forever. I'm going to hide behind this rock and if you got any sense you will do the same !

Crikey - Here he comes... Quick, I need pastry !




Greetings All

You will perhaps note a slight hint of aggravation in my usually calm and collected tone this evening. There is a good reason for that. I have been momentarily wrong-footed tonight by a particularly evil and troublesome beast.

I was bracing myself for another evening of high adventure and derring-do. Not so much playing an MMO in the conventional sense, as rather letting the little ones benefit from another bout of my unique brand of skill, experience and mastery. Full plate armour shined-up so you can see your face in it, and vorpal sword sharpened to an edge that would sing when held aloft in even the slightest of breezes.

Then the beast got me.



Now I am often asked, particularly by the younger members, what is the most evil, terrible and dangerous beast that I have ever had to deal with. Their minds are probably conjuring up images of something like a massive demon from the netherhells. Perhaps one so hideous as could kill a man with even the slightest glance. If not armed with some diabolical weapon that would crack a mountain in two with one swing, then it probably has razor sharp talons dripping with tissue-dissolving venom.

Or perhaps our old favourite: a mighty ancient dragon with a face as big as a house and fangs as long as a man is tall. Something that would eat a whole field of cattle as a mere starter, before moving onto the main course!



I am afraid that it is neither of those two, or indeed anything remotely like them. No matter how big and terrible a monster is, it can be defeated sooner or later, one way or another. Perhaps you just need to wait until you have acquired that one special item - a magic weapon or artefact. Or the beast can be taken down with a little preparation and clever strategy. And if all else fails then you can always muster a group of heroes to help out. The point is this - they are all defeatable given time.

No. By far the most terrible and evil beast is this:

THE GAME UPDATE!




Yes - by jingo! Look at the intense evil radiating from that bugger! How it stares back at you with undiluted contempt!

Not an ordinary update. One with at least one foot in the realm of sanity. Oh no! This is a double-whammy. A 2 plus a 6 Gigabyte, unjustified, unannounced game-f***er special! Look at the Patch notes and you get a BOOK to read!

Any hope of any gaming tonight is utterly destroyed - you see that "Download complete" 0% ? This is Elder Scrolls - It's going to be like that for a long time! Might as well pack for a holiday now.

Let us now run through some of the devastating effects such an update can subject us to:

1) Game features you know and love are changed forever.
2) Game features you know and love are omitted!
3) Bugs you did not have before are in there now
4) Your favourite add-ons don't work any more
5) "Re-balancing kick-in-the-balls #1": Skills re-named, rearranged or just plain nerfed.
6) "Re-balancing kick-in-the-balls #2 "You know your favourite weapon? Guess what! It now does less damage, and it's range has decreased!
7) All game and graphic settings reset to defaults (and you can't remember your configuration).

All of which are are small fry in comparison to The Daddy:

8) THE GAME DOESN'T LOAD ANY MORE

The veritable banana-punch in the face of the gaming world right there.




You're 'aving a bleedin' giraffe matey !
Eight bleedin' gigabonks ? What's in that lot ? They already got horses what disappear when you dismount an stuff. Knew I should not have got out of bed this morning !




Bronwyn! Some decorum please!

Dear All, let us pray:



May Shroud of the Avatar updates during the testing stages be manageable in size and clear in purpose.

May the community be vigilant and helpful in testing the product and communicate game issues (when and wheresoever they may arise) in an efficient and polite manner.

May the boffins at Portalarium have the wisdom not to release Shroud of the Avatar until it is truly ready, with all wrinkles ironed out, and with all parts in proper working order.

And

Lead the community not into temptation in demanding game release before it's time, and instead to be the very model of patience and understanding.

Amen.

 

Ahahahah. Well, yes, you know I doubt we'll be immune from this. There will be game updates.

SoTa hasn't broken the game for me yet in over 40 releases though.

So, how was the update ? Did it improve ESO ?

 

Ahhhhh thank you Greyhaven for that entertaining Post. I could just hear the vocal accent and truly enjoyed the read.
And I agree as I have many wishes for this game. **cheers to you**

 

Best post ever

 

Thank you for that. Not only entertaining, for all to remember ... be patient while waiting for SotA release

 

So you don't want them to update the game?

 

Dont do drugs kids.