What is love?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Tahru, Oct 3, 2017.

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  1. Tahru

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    This thread is going to push the awkward zone, even for me. However, this is the one and only place I would even consider discussing this because of all the great people here. I am strong enough in my skin to take some ridicule, but I hope to gain some insight with this.

    How does it feel to say, I love you to someone? I am not talking about the super special person you are going to spend your life with nor am I talking about family cordials. I am asking how it feels to say that to people you may have never met besides online. Not for anything stupid like having an affair. I would never lead anyone on and in fact have reached out to clarify my intentions in cases I thought it could be misunderstood.

    I find it rather liberating to extend the words to people whom I really can closely relate to. To me it means, I truly feel a special emotional connection to the person. But it does not mean that I want to pursue anything. Does that make me strange? The fact is that there are several people I really can relate to and I just want to reach out to say, "hey I think you are super cool."

    The thing about the net is that although we talk a lot about nothing, there are plenty of times we really do talk about something and we each share a little bit about who we really are at heart.

    Is it Ok to share a spontaneous raw emotion to someone whom you don't want it to evolve beyond that? When I was a teen, I would sometimes find the courage to approach a beautiful girl and say, I think you are amazing and yet I had no intention of growing that. To me, this is very much the same.

    Since I am a male, I would never say those words to a male that is not close family. But I certainly have extended very kind words to males that I really relate to as friends. Not that I have any problem with people of different orientations.

    Just curious how other people feel on this issue.
     
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  2. HogwinHD

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    ''Baby dont hurt me, dont hurt me, No more''.. Soorry is that not where we were going with this?
     
  3. Solstar

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    I think, as males, it needs to happen more. Hugs, words of affection, all of it.
     
  4. Cordelayne

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    Come on Tahru, I mean obvi: ;)



    Okay okay, in all seriousness and to answer your question, I say it to folks a lot. In fact Tahru I am 90% positive I said it to you at SotaCon. ;)

    If I love something about somebody cause their funny, super positive or just plain bring a smile to my face, I make sure I tell them (especially the more I drink it gets more prevalent :D). Shoot, you look back on my posts here and I know I have told at least a dozen people I lov'em. :)

    Life is too freaking great not to express that to people! At least that's what I always say...and also, everybody wang chung tonight! ;)
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2017
  5. HogwinHD

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    OMG YES CORDELAYNE!!!
     
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  6. Tahru

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    Yeah, for the record, I am not having a problem with anyone. I just think it is interesting.
     
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  7. Tsumo2

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    Your desire to express positive regard feels authentic and respectful.
     
  8. Spoon

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    @Tahru

    Yes, it feels good to reach out and even to 'strangers' give them encouragement and some love.

    No it doesn't make you strange, just rare. Most need some level of intoxication before they get more into those sentiments.

    Further of course it is ok to be spontaneous, although one needs to be aware of potential misunderstandings. Especially in an ironic environment like gaming. Where it is more likely to say such to joke around than to be serious.

    Where, being a cold northerner, I would normally go for "you are awesome" or "I love X attribute of yours" over "I love you".
    But that is simply because of the linguistical ambiguity of the word and my lack of mastery of subtext in a foreign language. Where in other languages they have seperate words for the platonic and the non-platonic then it is easier to use.
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2017
  9. Spoon

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    Now. This time with more emotion and conviction.
     
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  10. Tahru

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    Indeed and I have done similar like saying "I love you for what you do for what you do for this community." It is a bit of a dangerous thing if it is misunderstood. It is like the F-word. It cannot be replaced with anything else and have the same level of emotion.
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2017
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  11. LoneStranger

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    Hey @Vyrin and @Womby, I love what you do for this community.
     
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  12. Black777Lodge

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    You better as the Oracle about that :D or Haddaway :cool:

     
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  13. majoria70

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    Oh can I sneak in here as a female online gamer? This is a very interesting subject.
     
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  14. majoria70

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    Ok, ok here goes: to me many online not face to face interactions can feel so very pure and real. There is not so much of the natural human speculations, judgements, or whatever else goes on mentally when tàlking and getting to know someone in person verses online only interactions. Having transitioned at times during my gaming life occasionally from online to offline meeting in person sometimes it has been disappointing and other times not.

    As to understanding what you are saying I definitely feel I have some understanding of it, but correct me if I'm wrong.

    I have grown to care for people or certain people deeply online and I like to express it freely with no further expectations or commitments other than enjoying very special times together.

    Those times are almost undiscribable to explain to those who haven't experienced it or known what it's like under certain circumstances that this occurs. Perhaps it is because the meeting of the minds was so in sync for those special times to occur.

    As to caring for someone and overstepping personal boundaries or being concerned about this occasionally, I do think that has to be a personal choice. I know of someone who wanted a game wedding with me to share game experiences with and he adored his wife who was not a gamer. I didn't marry him in game and since then I've met them both in person to see their strong love.

    I don't think this subject is all about love relationships as can occur in a game too as about just loving time you spend with certain people you meet in game. It is a special time we have had here on this roller coaster ride unlike any other.

    So I feel the relationships we form are what we make of them. I try not to analyze my playful antics too much or force this on anyone I find that is someone special. I say Majoria get a grip. ;) Our fun is just that. We have the playground here to enjoy and joke around with so lets just enjoy it.

    Ok ok I'm probably getting off base and you can say because I too can take it. I think you're awesome Tahru. :)
     
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  15. Womby

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    Normally we communicate through a combination of facial expressions, body language, verbal language, and intonation. When you restrict the means of communication to using only text, a great deal of information is lost, and the possibility of misinterpretation increases. This is not helped by the notorious ambiguity of the English language:


    He fed her cat food.

    1. He fed a woman’s cat some food.
    2. He fed a woman some food that was intended for cats.
    3. He somehow encouraged some cat food to eat something.
    Look at the dog with one eye.

    1. Look at the dog using only one of your eyes.
    2. Look at the dog that only has one eye.
    3. The dog has found an eye somewhere, and we’re looking at the dog.
    Caution is advised.
     
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  16. Stundorn

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    Haddaway...
    Was the first what came to my mind.

    "Love is not about what you want, love is about what you give."

    To love is something you need to learn.
    It's an art like painting.

    Love is unconditionally
    or it's just horse-trading.

    To me it is in the first time admiring, respect and some kind of sharing the same emotions, ideas and purposes.

    And very important, if you cannot love yourself you cannot love others.

    I'm still learning.
     
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  17. Paladin Michael

    Paladin Michael Bug Hunter

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    LOVE IS IN THE AIR ....

    It's a pity, you have to write this sentence, @Tahru. It should be normal, talking about whatever without fearing ridicule :)

    As I watched a lot of people and at most myself, I learned, most of us never learned it in a good way to express feelings.
    It's something, we don't learn in school - unfortunately. If we would, the world and how we're talking to each other would be better :)

    Love is a mighty word, beside this it was and is often reduced to the 1% of 3 letters, which can be a part of it, but mustn't.
    Love contains so many things, like words, expressions ...
    - compassion
    - truth
    - mutual understanding
    - helpfulness
    - to encourage
    - a hearty smile

    ... i could go further, as all of you know: The path of love is the strongest and longest. It starts with birth, ends with death - and if you believe in reincarnation, it never ends! Isn't it lovely? ;)

    LOVE IS ALL AROUND ...

    So from my point, showing love, don't have to use the word "love" in any cases. It sounds special, if we use it in agreement with our feelings :)
    Giving a smile, a positive word, an understanding, showing my counterpart respect and that we are equal, even if we have another opinion ...
    Love is great and a mighty key for peace ...

    Well, @Cordelayne, I saw a thread, where you said it to (sorry, I forgot the name!) ;)
    I remember I read it and it brought a -positive- smile to my face and to my heart :)

    That's it, what love in best case can do: giving a good feeling to others and ourself :)

    ALL WE NEED IS LOVE ...
     
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  18. FanofIolo

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    Here is my position on love in general.

    I think the word love is used in a much too general sense and in too many situations. It is not uncommon to see someone on stage shouting to the audience: "I love you all!" To me, that is meaningless.

    I personally have met many people (even self-proclaimed deeply religious ones) who interpret "love thy neighbor" to mean only "value and team up with people who look and think like me". To me that is the epitome of hypocrisy.

    I think there are very few human beings who have the moral capability (or chemical imbalance?) to have deep feelings (love?) for strangers or people they don't know well. I know I can't. The most I can aspire to is to be empathetic, kind and understanding whenever I can. For this reason, I personally don't take declarations of love that don't come from my immediate family seriously.

    Having said that, I think it is very important to communicate to people, even online friends, what you value in them. There is no reason why a man shouldn't give positive feedback to another man. The important thing is to differentiate between the person and their behavior. It might make a recipient (male or female) uncomfortable if someone said "I love you because you are so kind and generous", but I can't imagine anyone being uncomfortable with "I admire your kindness and generosity and it is an inspiration to me". I still remember and am encouraged by such feedback that was given to me decades ago.

    If you think "But I do love that person for their kindness and generosity!", my standpoint would be: No you don't, not really, because you don't know that person. You only know about certain good qualities you have seen, but you don't have the whole story.
     
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  19. Mac2

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    At first, people might be caught off guard by saying I love you, but as you do it more and more, it just becomes normal. Now, what is love?

    We are going to discover by understanding what love is not, because, as love is the unknown, we must come to it by discarding the known. The unknown cannot be discovered by a mind that is full of the known. What we are going to do is to find out the values of the known, look at the known, and when that is looked at purely, without condemnation, the mind becomes free from the known; then we shall know what love is. So, we must approach love negatively, not positively.

    What is love with most of us? When we say we love somebody, what do we mean? We mean we possess that person. From that possession arises jealousy, because if I lose him or her what happens? I feel empty, lost; therefore I legalize possession; I hold him or her. From holding, possessing that person, there is jealousy, there is fear and all the innumerable conflicts that arise from possession. Surely such possession is not love, is it?

    Obviously love is not sentiment. To be sentimental, to be emotional, is not love, because sentimentality and emotion are mere sensations. A religious person who weeps about Jesus or Krishna, about his guru or somebody else, is merely sentimental, emotional. He is indulging in sensation, which is a process of thought, and thought is not love. Thought is the result of sensation, so the person who is sentimental, who is emotional, cannot possibly know love.

    Again, aren't we emotional and sentimental? Sentimentality, emotionalism, is merely a form of self-expansion. To be full of emotion is obviously not love, because a sentimental person can be cruel when his sentiments are not responded to, when his feelings have no outlet. An emotional person can be stirred to hatred, to war, to butchery. A man who is sentimental, full of tears for his religion, surely has no love.

    Is forgiveness love? What is implied in forgiveness? You insult me and I resent it, remember it; then, either through compulsion or through repentance, I say, "I forgive you". First I retain and then I reject. Which means what? I am still the central figure. I am still important, it is I who am forgiving somebody. As long as there is the attitude of forgiving it is I who am important, not the man who is supposed to have insulted me.

    So when I accumulate resentment and then deny that resentment, which you call forgiveness, it is not love. A man who loves obviously has no enmity and to all these things he is indifferent. Sympathy, forgiveness, the relationship of possessiveness, jealousy and fear - all these things are not love. They are all of the mind, are they not? As long as the mind is the arbiter, there is no love, for the mind arbitrates only through possessiveness and its arbitration is merely possessiveness in different forms. The mind can only corrupt love, it cannot give birth to love, it cannot give beauty. You can write a poem about love, but that is not love.

    Obviously there is no love when there is no real respect, when you don't respect another, whether he is your servant or your friend. Have you not noticed that you are not respectful, kindly, generous, to your servants, to people who are so-called `below' you? You have respect for those above, for your boss, for the millionaire, for the man with a large house and a title, for the man who can give you a better position, a better job, from whom you can get something. But you kick those below you, you have a special language for them.

    Therefore where there is no respect, there is no love; where there is no mercy, no pity, no forgiveness, there is no love. And as most of us are in this state we have no love. We are neither respectful nor merciful nor generous. We are possessive, full of sentiment and emotion which can be turned either way: to kill, to butcher or to unify over some foolish, ignorant intention.

    So how can there be love? You can know love only when all these things have stopped, come to an end, only when you don't possess, when you are not merely emotional with devotion to an object. Such devotion is a supplication, seeking something in a different form. A man who prays does not know love. Since you are possessive, since you seek an end, a result, through devotion, through prayer, which make you sentimental, emotional, naturally there is no love; obviously there is no love when there is no respect.

    You may say that you have respect but your respect is for the superior, it is merely the respect that comes from wanting something, the respect of fear. If you really felt respect, you would be respectful to the lowest as well as to the so-called highest; since you haven't that, there is no love. How few of us are generous, forgiving, merciful! You are generous when it pays you, you are merciful when you can see something in return.

    When these things disappear, when these things don't occupy your mind and when the things of the mind don't fill your heart, then there is love; and love alone can transform the present madness and insanity in the world - not systems, not theories, either of the left or of the right. You really love only when you do not possess, when you are not envious, not greedy, when you are respectful, when you have mercy and compassion, when you have consideration for your wife, your children, your neighbour, your unfortunate servants.

    Love cannot be thought about, love cannot be cultivated, love cannot be practised. The practice of love, the practice of brotherhood, is still within the field of the mind, therefore it is not love. When all this has stopped, then love comes into being, then you will know what it is to love. Then love is not quantitative but qualitative. You do not say, "I love the whole world" but when you know how to love one, you know how to love the whole. Because we do not know how to love one, our love of humanity is fictitious. When you love, there is neither one nor many: there is only love. It is only when there is love that all our problems can be solved and then we shall know its bliss and its happiness. - Jiddu Krishnamurti
     
  20. Paladin Michael

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    @Mac2,

    I felt, that the text was very familiar ;)

    I think, we all are here to learn. And that's - if you believe in it - because a high energy gave us the love to participate in this universe.
    Everybody just can try to discover a facet of love and live it as good as (s)he can and be thankful to make the experience ...
    That's, I think, is love, too ...
     
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