Tale of the Red Hat Gnomes - Part I

In the Fire Lotus Tavern...."I bid Welcome to newcomers to our tale!" I pronounce. ("You have a tail?" Gabriel Nightshadow asks, then is astounded at the groans from the other readers....)
--A little outside the story note here: In the setting of the Fire Lotus Tavern, interactive dialogue is welcome! That was actually what we did long ago in the real Katya's Koffee Klutch in Writer's Ink of the bulletin board based Prodigy service. Beware! While you may put words in other's mouths, they can do the same to you! Gentility and Courtliness are always appropriate.
--"My dear lady," I say to Fireangel, the leather wing chairs are soo much more comfortable! But suit yourself."
--"I know," I speechify a bit to those assembled around the fireplace, "We all come from different places in the metaverse, yet fate has brought us together here in this place. Thanks to our hostess, Fire Lotus, for providing this location (and for not enforcing the "don't bump your own posts to keep them on the board" rule)!" with that we all raise our cups and shout three cheers for Fire Lotus!
--"The story I am telling, well actually three stories, is as true a story as a bard can tell. The people I tell you about, and I consider Krisskar "people" too, are real, as real as we are. There were others who may yet be coming into this little bit of the metaverse, both as audience in this part, and those I will remember who show up with our adventurers.
--"I might have to pause the story for a bit," I say regretfully, "It seems I am deputy troll for Fool's War; and other mundane things interrupt me constantly. You might find the links a few posts above to be amusing, as they lead to earlier stories about Krisskar in other parts of the metaverse; and there are more links I have yet to find."

 

(In Krisskar's Mage Tower) Jeb, Shania, Mingo, and Lyra sat around the round table on the first floor of Krisskar's round Mage Tower. The two empty chairs seemed omniously foretelling somehow. Krisskar sat furthest from the door, a position of honor in some societies.
--"Ahhh the fish!" Lyra began to answer Krisskar's inquiry. "Hard did it fight! For over an hour I held the fishing rod...first letting it run, then setting the hook with a yank."
--"Do you have a fishing chair on your boat? with straps to hold the rod?" asked Jeb.
--Lyra laughed ominously. "I did, once. But after hooking something strong enough to rip the entire chair off the boat, I swore never to do that again! I was lucky to survive! But that is another fish's tale....." (chuckles at the pun, which seemed much funnier when told by Lyra).
--"So no," she continued, "I only had my own strength to fight this tuna. I was lucky it was a small one; they can be as large as 1,000 lbs!"
---"1,000 lbs....of fissh..." Krisskar said in a thoughtful daze. "Perhapss I will go fishing with you ssomeday."
--"It was a battle royal," Lyra continued. "The sails were reefed, and the tuna pulled the boat along slowly. I knew it would tire soon. Every chance I got I reeled in a little."
--Shania asked in puzzlement, "How did you land a 100 lb fish? That is pretty heavy!"
--"Well," Lyra continued, "Once the fish played out and I had it close to the boat, I rigged a halyard into the loop at the end of a gaff, hooked my prize and winched it aboard! The dockmaster was taking it to Katya's when I left."
--In the depths of his hood, Krisskar's slightly glowinig blue eyes widened as he said with a pleased grumbling sound, "Ah, Katya knowss how to prepare fish properly! There is more to sushi than you might think!
--"But before we retire to Katya'ss, Lyra, please introduce the otherss in your company."
--Lyra did so. Krisskar sat back heavily in his chair and seemed to go into a pondering trance. "I,"he said slowly "have had dreams.....dreamss which sseemed to be almost memoriess...and all of you," he waved a taloned glove around the table, "....all of you...were...there...."

 

(Krisskar's tower) "I don't put much stock in dreams," huffed Jeb Stuart. "But then, I'm not a sage or a mage."
--"I too have had dreams," I said slowly, "and it seems to me....a sense of familiarity is forming.. as if I have known you (gesturing to Krisskar) and all of you (gesturing around the table) for a long long time."
--"Bardss, like Magess, have some affinity for thingss unsseen," nodded Krisskar. Then turning to Lyra he asked, "Perchance have you baked some of that Rose Petal Koffee Kake at Katya's? It iss the only baked item I enjoy eating."
--Beaming at the compliment Lyra replied, "Why yes! I fixed up several pans of that this morning before I went fishing!"
--"It IS good," Shania said
--"Next time buy your own!" I chided with a grin. Shania stuck out her tongue at me.
--"I'm a meat and potatoes kind of guy myself," Jeb commented.
--"Oh but Katya prepares fish in soo many delicious ways!" Lyra almost drooled. "you should try something tonite at supper."
--"Perhapss we will get there in time," Krisskar said, observing the location of a beam of sunlight which entered through a slit in the wall to fall upon the round table. "Firsst, however (and he looked at me) you musst tell me the reason for your visit....I ssuspect you did not sseek me out to talk about fish...."

 

The lady is seen practicing her 's's quietly.

*[Edit toward comment below - I knew it wasn't human. Don't tempt me toward sarcasm. hehe]

 

--the "ssss's" of Krisskar are a hint that he may not be entirely human.....
--As I began to tell my story of the crotchety old man and his garden gnome, something I said caused Krisskar to rise to his feet with a glare. "Theodore Thomass?" he hisssed....revealing inhumanly sharp teeth of a massive size. Seeing our reaction to his fearsome dentition he murmured: "oh. dental work from long long ago, think nothing of it..."
--We all nodded, but did not quite believe him. "you have heard of this fellow?" I asked.
--"He is a TRAITOR!" Krisskar pounded his fist on the table for emphasis.

 

(In Krisskar's tower) "Minion!" shouted Krisskar as he sat back down. From a large cabinet emerged an odd figure, about three feet tall. It was cone shaped, and the top of the the cone had a brim as of a hat, which was blue. There was a black band of....nothing....beneath the brim. Eyes seemed to float in the nothing...pulsing with a kind of light. Below the black band a scarf wound about the...minion. Below the scarf it seemed to be dressed in a robe that extended to the floor; with two arms ending in gloved hands.
--"Bring water and muggs," Krisskar commanded, sending the minion off in a pop of some teleporter I imagine. It returned with a large tray which it put on the table near Krisskar, who poured himself a mug and slid the tray out for others. The minion returned to its cabinet.
--"Um, what was that....minion?" Lyra asked in a non threatening grandmotherly way.
--"I don't know yet," Krisskar answered. "Ssomething I experimentally crafted up in my alchemy lab."
--"Tell me," I cautiously inquired, "What do you know of these gnomes?"
--Settling back in his chair after having drunk a gulp of water, Krisskar waxed Serious (who had followed us from Katya's). "The Red Hat Gnomes..." he began, "Are properly known as the Tribe of Tackzers. They are 'employed' one might ssay, by variouss rulers to ssteal, with the veneer of legality, from ordinary folksiess.
--"The so called rulerss then distribute this seized booty to their friends, buying enough friendss to keep themselvess in power. That is why I moved here, to the land of Prodigy. I am wondering though, in what land did you come upon that traitor?"
--"I was passing through the large coastal city of Laundrytown," I answered, "on my way to perform for the King and Queen of Meridies at Fool's War."
--"Laundrytown," Krisskar hisssed (not easy to do with a word that has no 's' and not even a soft 'c'.) "A hive of scum and villainy if ever there wass."
--("Mingo!" Jeb warned, "keep your movie references straight!")
--Shania, who had been combing the wax out of Serious' fur, spoke up defensively, "The rulers in Laundrytown do many good things with the gold stolen, er voluntarily given....the gold the Tackzers take."
--"Oh my yes!" I agreed with a facetious tone, "For example, the rulers might give a favoured subject an egg. Of course, the Tackzers took a dozen eggs from the farmer, kept two, and the rulers kept nine....I have heard tales of those rulers and their system in my travels."
--"I don't like catsss," Krisskar eyed the cat. "They give me gas."
--Shania let Serious down and opened the door so he could depart. "Seriously?" she asked.

 

(In Fire Lotus Tavern) --"Here you go," said Jivalax as he handed a small bag to Mingo. "Hope this helps, it was the last vial at the apothecary."
--"Many thanks, Jivalax, and welcome to our fire!" I replied opening the small vial and putting drops in my ear. "This should help with the pain, and hopefully the pills will begin to work soon."
--"I'm sooo sorry about your poor ear!" Lady Fireangel commiserated, "I would have like to have seen you more in R3 the waterfront!" edited, sorry fireangel, I know you are the epitomy of "immersion" !!!
--"Alas," I sighed "I am not at all well. I regret not spending more time at Kingsport, especially on that large boat."

 

Hmmphs at the imposter. "I would not say such a thing as 'R3' (aloud). It is a mystery thing to me!" Looks upon Mingo with sympathy. "I am sorry about your ear though, my friend."

 

Blaquerogue comes walking back in to the tavern, looking a little tired and some small dents in armor. Hail and well met again, I am sorry for leaving the table, but you were so into your story and i did not want to interrupt! "I know, i know i was hardly missed! I had a calling to a PVP forum and had to do a little battle! How ironic a pvp battle with a non pvp individual!?' Anyhow i am back now and i am parched!

 

"Welcome back, Blaquerogue!", says Gabriel, "Gerta, another round of Fire Mountain ale for everyone in our little group here!"

Gabriel pulls out a few silver coins from his pouch and hands them to Gerta.

 

(Outside the story line) --I am not well, and besides that I have had to travel for a while. In the meantime I wonder, have any of you gone and read the links I posted back some posts ago? (there were two links I think) Sort of backstory of Krisskar from other parts of the metaverse.. Post and let me know who read them please.
--What can i say about Krisskar? I could say he is able to control forces unseen. I could say he is not really completely human. I could say this, I could say that...I could say he is a bicycle! For I am the narrator and I LIKE this medecine!!!
--At this point, even outside the story, Gerta hands me a note, "The folks at National Lampoon are irritated at your unauthorized plagerizng of "DOON" she chides.
--How I hate borrowed computers.

 

(In the Fire Lotus tavern, Mingo sits on a borrowed chair, which is most uncomfortable, and attempts to tell more of the backstory of Krisskar the Mage) --Fred, a heretic of the Obsidian Order had abandoned his small hut in the fish camp of the Lizardmen, leaving it in the claws of Princess, who guarded her nest with its single egg. About a quarter mile from the fish camp an escarpment, about twenty feet in height, ran down to the sea from the inland mountains. Here, in one of the many small caves, Fred had furnished for himself a bit more comfortable domicile. He had not intended to stay in this area for so long; in fact his work bringing the lizardman culture and sentience to a higher level over three generations was basically done.
--Now Fred was interested in Bosskar and his mate, Princess, and the single egg. These were off-world reptiloids but more physically resembled humanoids, like Fred himself, who was a modified Orc, and the first of his kind to be a member of the Obsidians. Fred had given Princess an Obsidian stone, fragment of the shattered moon. The properties of this stone were magical, and indeed, just such a stone hung from a chain about fred's neck, which was placed there on the day of his birth. The magical properties had inbued Fred with greater intelligence as well as abilities to use forces unseen, commonly called magic
--About four weeks after the egg was laid, Bosskar came to Fred and invited him to see the new hatchling. "Just stand at the door," Bosskar warned, "princess is....unpredictable, as this is her first youngling."
--"Ah, yes, of course," Fred nodded, remembering Bosskar's prior warning that females and young of his race were poisonous. "I should bring a gift What do you recommend?"
--"Fissh!" Bosskar answered, drawing his mouth back in a wide grin, which caused Fred to shudder at the sight of the large pointed teeth. Bosskar did not have the long snout of the Lizardmen, just a huge massive jaw, but his teeth were fearsome. Fred nodded, and reaching into the small pool within his cave snatched a fish to take as a gift.
--As they approached the hut, an unusual hissing song could be heard from within. "That is quite pretty singing," Fred observed. "Can you translate the song?"
--"ah, no," Bosskar shook his head. "A mother and her young have their own language for a while. I could, even late in her life, undersstand my own mother, but the ability of mother/child communircation is unique to each pair, and no one elsse can undersstand."
--"Princesss!" he called from outside the door, "Fred hass brought a fissh for Krisskar!"

 

As Gabriel continues to listen to Mingo's fascinating tale about Krisskar the Mage, Time Lord suddenly vanishes into thin air!

I wonder where and when he has gone this time, Gabriel thinks to himself. Traveling through time and space can be so unpredictable...

"Mingo, you still look rather pale. Perhaps some nice, hot soup will help!", says Gabriel.,"Gerta, what's the soup of the day?"

"Glowfish soup, a very rare delicacy!", replies Gerta, "Would you like a bowl, Mingo?"

 

(In Fire Lotus Tavern) "Excellent idea, this soup," I nodded toward Gabriel. "Thanks Gerta. And do not fear for Time Lord he will be back I suspect, or maybe he is already back...difficult to say."

 

--Bosskar had told Fred that Krisskar hatched the day before. "(I wonder if he will give me a cigar?)" Fred thought to himself but did not voice aloud as they stood ready to enter the hut.
--Bosskar entered, then motioned to Fred to come on in. Slowly, fish in hand outstretched, Fred did so with some trepidation. There before him sat Princess on the frame of what was once Fred's bed. Beside her perched a miniature Tyrannosaur, with piercing blue eyes. The jaws were massive, (as fred later learned, baby trandoshans are born with their adult dentition) and a muscular neck held the overlarge head. Tiny, undeveloped forearms seemingly useless extended from the tiny shoulders, and the whole beast keeled forward, balanced by a large tail.
--Little Krisskar stared at Fred, then turned to his mother and chirped something. Princess replied with a short trill and a negative shake of her head, then interpreted for Fred, with a laugh, "He assked if you were food!" she chuckled.

 

The lady rose from her place in the floor. She realized she had fallen asleep, and gave an apologetic shrug to Mingo. Fireangel noticed the hedge mage's expression, and she smiled softly at him, "No, you were not boring, if you wonder. I was so comfortable here, that is all it was."

She went to a corner to stretch, and got a fresh coffee from the barmaid, and tipped her a few coins. The lady ordered a handful of pistachios and a few fresh strawberries. She enjoyed the refreshment at the bar, and still listened raptly to her new friend Mingo, and his tale.

 

(In fire lotus tavern) "No," Gerta told Mingo shaking her head. "You can't have Koffee until you have taken all the pills in that bottle.
--Mingo wondered where Gerta got the white dress and little hat. "there arent many left...."

 

(In the Fire Lotus Tavern) --"Is he dead?" asked Xandra as she joined the group of folksies seated near the large fireplace of the Fire Lotus Tavern. "he hasn't said much lately."
--"No," Blaquerogue shook his head, "Mingo just seems to be elsewhere from time to time. I believe he will return to us."
--Blackrogue's voice caught my attention as I found myself once again in my own regular, comfortable chair. "I had the oddest dream," I said. Then turning to Gerta I asked for a cup of espresso, "Burning the Midnight Oil beans please Gerta."
--"Did you finish all those pills?" she asked raising a dubious eyebrow.
--"Indeed," I nodded. "No sugar, just a little steamed milk if you please."
--From the mantle of the Fire Lotus Tavern hang many threads. One of them is jet black, placed there by Blaquerogue. "I have enjoyed your poetry while I seemingly slumbered," I say to him. "In many ways, I can identify with some of what you say."
--"Were you in the military?" he asks.
--"No," I answer....then hesitating I correct myself. "Well, that is not technically true. I have served, from time to time, in uniform on active duty, in the Navy."
--"Enlisted or Officer," inquires Fireangel.
--"Neither....." I answer...
--"Is this some kind of mind game?" Gabriel asks puzzled.
--"No, no," I quickly say. "I had a legitimate warrant from the Secretary of the Navy. But I wasn't exactly regular. I am not a veteran."
--Lord Baldrith says with a pleading air, "Please, Mingo give less obtuse answers! What did you do?"
--A ghostly apparition suddenly appears in front of Mingo and wags a finger, then vanishes.
--"I will give you a clear answer," I say slowly. Looking at directly at Blaquerogue I state bluntly, "You don't need to know."
--"Ah," Blacquerogue nods in understanding.
--"But my friend I wish to share with you something I read; something that lets me sleep at night...." Opening a well thumbed book, with duct tape along the spine I read:
----------"It is a joy for the just to do justice. But destruction will come to the workers of iniquity" Prov 21:15
--Around the fireplace some nod; some who have experience with dispensing justice....
--"Here is your Koffee!" Gerta chirps, as brightly as the birds of the dawn.

 

(continuing the back story of Krisskar) --"Please don't bite me," Fred said, not quite in jest, as he held the small fish towards Princess, causing her to smile (thankfully keeping her lips closed).
--"Fred!" she adminishes gently, "You are our friend! These past few weekss I have been making Bosskar teach me what he callsss 'diplomacy' to make you more comfortable." Moving slowly she reaches out and takes the fish in her taloned hand.
--Little Krisskar, who stands only about a foot and a half tall, although he is about two feet from snout to tail tip, watches his mother closely from his perch on the bedframe. Again he makes that inquiring chirp, which Fred believes (correctly) to be 'Food?'
--Princess holds in her other hand the black obsidian stone given to her by Fred, the Obsidian Order heretic some weeks earlier. "I have kept this nexst to the egg ssince you gave it me. You were correct that we do feed sstones to our young to help digessting the rough partss of our diet. The stones stay in our....gizzard...you called it, all our lifetime."
--"but," she adds questioning, "If the stone has the effects you mentioned, I hesitate to take it from you."
--Fred opens his tunic, revealing another such smooth black stone encaged in metal wire and hanging from a chain about his neck. "Do not fear my lady, for this one has been mine since the day I was born."
--Reassured, Princess pushes the stone down the fish's mouth, and holds it above little Krisskar's head. He waits until she says something in the hissing language of mothers of her kind, then opens his mouth wide, revealing teeth as long and sharp as his fathers, and gently takes the fish in his mouth before swallowing it."
--Thus is Krisskar set on a path which makes him unique in powers, intelligence, and even physical form. His lifespan will be enhanced as well, and he will travel through many parts of the metaverse before finally ending up in New Brittania, as Krisskar the Mage.

 

(Inside Krisskar's tower) --"there is much I wish to tell you," Krisskar frowns, irritated at the balky caps key. "but there is ssomething you should see in my backyard, before the sun setss. Let uss go out now, and continue our conversation at Katya's Koffee Klutch over dinner. Minion!" he calls, "my sstaff!"
--The conic minion comes forth bringing a walking staff of dark walnut, thicker and heavier than one would expect,and as tall as Krisskar himself. Along the length of the staff runes have been carved, as well as mathematical symbols. Lyra notes silently that Krisskar holds it oddly. His taloned gloves (she thinks it is the gloves that are taloned) hold the heavy staff as if it were rattan....but his little finger does not bend....
--The group of adventurers, who seemingly are/were linked in past times elsewhere in the metaverse, exit the tower, walk down the magically floating steps and traipse around to the back yard. The setting sun falls full on the tower from the back, lighting up a short column topped by a small, dark gray cloud. If the cloud hides something, it is impossible to tell. Also there are tomato plants, just beginning to grow strong in the spring weather, and a persimmon tree.
--"An odd cloud there, Krisskar," Jeb observes with caution.
--"Yes," Shania agrees. "It looks...unnatural."
--"Bah, cloudss are easy!" Krisskar says. "Jusst cool air and water. Air and Water happen to be my two sstrongest ssuits." With a wave of his hand, Krisskar causes the cloud to dissipate. Golden sunlight from the west strikes the object atop the short pedestal, now revealed. "Behold!" Krisskar proclaims, and strikes the object with his staff, producing a bell like tone.
--For above the pedestal, grinning at those assembled, stands a metal lawn gnome; a gnome with a blue hat.