Tale of the Red Hat Gnomes - Part I

*the Time Lord barfs all over the floor*
~Time Lord~

 

Migs sat staring at Fireangels Jello, Just like mom use to make!, He ate half of the sweet jelly and put the other in his pouch saving it later for Skels under kingsmouth, As the mayor had asked him to look into the dead rising in the sewers, He was not keen but this jello would sure give them the slip he thought!, The Panda stared at Migs and Migs stared at the Panda wondering how an animal could eat dried twigs all day and survive?, Migs cut some more Jelly and handed it to the Panda, The Panda sniffed at it and snorted "What is that stuff?" as he stuck his bamboo into the jelly and took a bite....Hmmm! sweet tasty bamboo that's great!, He looked at his traveling companion and gave her a peck on the cheek. Quick he whispered "lets get a room I feel strangely aroused!", Migs watched as the black and white fat Cats went upstairs....

 

"You're quite welcome, Gabriel," Fireangel said through a grimace at what Time Lord had left in the floor. "Perhaps you should have eaten the Jello instead, Time Lord." She pushed her plate aside. "So much for that."

 

"Don't worry!", said Time Lord, "I'll clean up the mess!"

Time Lord uttered some words of power and the entire puddle of vomit suddenly vanished into thin air!

"See, problem solved!", grinned Time Lord

"Honey, where did you send that puddle of vomit to?", asked a suspicious Chariya

"Oh...somewhere else...", said Time Lord as he avoided her gaze and started whistling

Outside, a soaking wet Hans and Gunther were walking ashore, having extinguished their flames in the river. Suddenly, the puddle of vomit materialized above their heads and fell on top of them. Both men started cursing as Guard Michael and Guard Duncan came over to arrest them for disturbing the peace

 

(aboard PossumRose) --With the minimum of movement Jeb Stuart drew the long fighting knife from its sheath on his belt. Ed followed his example. For my part, I put my hand on the haft of my small mace. "Show yourself!" demanded Jeb to the voice that had appeared out of thin air. I had thought it didn't sound quite like Shania.
--"Eh? I'm right here in plain sight!" the voice protested, then added, "oh, but you aren't here....never mind. Just bring Krisskar's pack and his wand and come ashore. I will meet you at the end of the dock."
--"It's the wand!" Lyra said looking at Krisskar's staff lashed to the overhead. "Must be some kind of new magic."
--"I have heard of some experiments modulating the Tesla broadcasts," Terra said, gathering her belongings. "and Krisskar did once communicate with his minion via his wand...."
--"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic," Lyra said philosophically. "Let's head out."
--We walked warily down the stone dock, which showed evidence of great age, toward the shore. No one was in sight, and Shania did not seem to be around either. A stone archway of unusual design lead to a path paved with stones and seemingly well tended. Upon two small columns placed against the archway stood Gnome statues; one male with a broad bushy white beard, one female. Both were adorned with bright blue hats. Looking down the path we saw a bench some distance away, with a solitary figure seated there, clothed in a white robe and hood.
--Jeb stood still at the archway. He had sheathed his knife and drawn his sword, and now he gently rapped the side of the male Gnome figurine with the side of it.
--"Hey!" protested the figure, "Don't DO that!"
--"Very uncouth of you," chided the female figurine from the other side of the archway.
--We all took a step back in bewilderment, until finally Lyra said, "Sorry, our only party member with any cuthiosity at all is scouting ahead for us."
--The gnomes looked at each other and said simultaneously, "Couthiosity?" Then the male gnome, who was elevated on his pedestal almost to human head height introduced himself. "I am Hamster Fizzimix," he said with a short bow (short....hee hee...bow....sorry). "Mage, Alchemist, and traveler of the Metaverse. My associate there is BlueBell, my apprentice." He then peered intently at Jeb Stuart and asked, "Are you by chance known as Ewell? I seem to recognize you somehow...."
--"Not in this incarnation," Jeb answered with a suspicious tone. "Was that you we heard talking through Krisskar's wand?"
--"Oh yes," Hamster nodded, holding up his tiny arm with a small wand hanging by a loop of cord from his wrist. "These things have some uses, and we have a small Tesla generator of our own."
--BlueBell hopped down from her column with a resounding thud, like a boulder hitting the pavement. "Come," she beckoned. "Krisskar awaits....although Hamster keeps referring to him as a Warlock. I don't know what a warlock is...."
--Hamster joined her, and we followed the two of them under the arch and down the path. In front of the bench where Krisskar sat, a raised garden, about five feet across and enclosed by bricks, contained rich black earth. Tulips of many different colours bloomed there in the early summer sun, seemingly not having read the farmer's almanac...
--Hopping up onto the bench Hamster got Krisskar's attention. "Hey! Lizard brain! You got company!" he shouted in a tone that insinuated more familiarity than I thought appropriate. Slowly Krisskar stood, his hands folded together and hidden by the voluminous sleeves of his robe. The hood fell back and Krisskar stood looking down at the Blue Hat Gnome.
--"Hamster," Krisskar said slowly. "Your name....is Hamster."
--"Yes you bewitched buffoon! I already know that!"
--Pausing and tilting his head, as if trying to dislodge a memory, Krisskar brightened and said: "I am, and always will be......your friend."
--Smacking himself with a facepalm Hamster turned to us with a groan. "Ordinarily I would feed him a live chicken, which used to snap him out of most doldrums when he was a warlock in another place in the metaverse. But there are no chickens here."
--"I have some rock candy," offered BlueBell, and she hopped up on the bench and held it out to Krisskar.
--After a pause, Krisskar took the proffered gift and put it in his mouth. He seemed to smile a bit.
--"What happened to him?" Hamster asked.
--Always one to put delicate words to indelicate subjects I tried to make a veiled explanation that would be acceptable to young audiences....."He is suffering from a malady common to many males when struck by a braided leather thong wielded by a feline."
--"Oh," Hamster said, catching on immediately. "He's (wording removed). twitterpated (edited see vid link in FireAngel's post below) Will wonders never cease!" At that less than genteel interpretation BlueBell blushed and ducked her chin down.
--"You're a crude one, Mr. Fizzimix!" Lyra scolded. "May I infer that you are already acquainted with Krisskar?"
--Slightly chagrined (edited) at having embarrassed BlueBell Hamster nodded his head. "Alas, poor Krisskar. I knew him Horatio. Many's the time he would carry me on his shoulder.....er sorry, yes, in another life, when I seem to remember being a bit larger, and considerably squishier, there was one part of the metaverse where Krisskar and I," and at this Hamster stared quizzically again at Jeb, "and others... were guildmates.. Krisskar was a warlock of no small ability, and then.....he was something completely different." Hamster shivered, his rock hard teeth chattering momentarily.
--"I wonder where Shania got off to?" Jeb muttered looking around.

 

"Yes" Bodhbh nodded, "sometimes the need of the one outweighs the need of the many..." he continued, causing quizzical glances from others in the common room. "But I do wonder what a feline has to do with the story..." Eyes looking in to nothingness he then goes on "mayhaps the three hags could've toiled around their cauldron to make him a witches brew!"
Suddenly he snaps out of it, and looking outside through the window he sees a dripping Hans and Gunther being escorted, at a long arm's length by two guards and then looks accusingly to Time Lord, who just grins like a Cheshire Cat, starting to slowly fade, until Chariya slaps him to the back of the head, causing him to snap right back in to solid presence.
She then apologizes "Slap to the face would be humiliating. Back of the head's a wake-up call...", smiling sweetly.

 

Fireangel rolled her eyes at Bodhbh. "'Or the few,...' yes."

She turned on Mingo with a mild scowl, which she forced away. "Sexist comments are getting a little over the top now and then, my dear hedge bard. There is no need to get to the point of need where you have to use asterisks and censor the gnome, is there? Couldn't you reign in the ideas a bit, instead? I've heard that phrase myself enough times, asterisks or not, and it's bunk, frankly. If you're determined that it was on the gnome's mind, because it was on yours, I'll call 'bunk' on both of you. Maybe he's obsessed, 'twitterpated' , infatuated, in love, even 'in rutt' if Krisskar (or anyone else) is animalistic,... but I'm asking you to consider -- as a non-prude -- that if you have to use asterisks to censor yourself, maybe you should just leave it out altogether. The same is true in chat by the moderators when they see it."

The lady shrugged. "If you call me a prude for that, I'll just go on my merry way and thank you for the time I've enjoyed in your company. Your imagination and vocabulary are rich enough to skip the need for asterisks. I'm certain of that. In any case, it may be time for me to move on; we'll see if there's still a place for me here. Thank you, gentlemen (and the females written by the gentlemen) for the fun. I'll just be sitting over by the fireplace for awhile."

 

Gabriel smiled after Chariya slapped Time Lord on the back of the head and brought him back to his senses. Gabriel found it disturbing that, ever since his regeneration, Time Lord seemed be acting more and more like a real ten-year old I

Turning his attention back to Mingo's story, he was surprised by Hamster's comment and noticed Fireangel's discomfort.

"I think it would be best for you to tone the language down a bit, Mingo.", said Gabriel, "There are ladies present."

 

Bodhbh Dearg always is only speaking the truth from where he see it,
just as Mingo's stories all sing it there's only one way and that's "bring it!"
*Time Lord begins happily dancing round the room*

"The Beauty of Everything is There's a Time for Everything"
*giggles while dancing around*
~Time Lord~

 

(In the Fire Lotus Tavern) --Responding to FireAngel I agree, "Excellent point m'lady! This is why free form, immediately posted writing is so dangerous, especially without benefit of an editor! If you will return to the earlier post you will see some editing (and then redited) highlighted in green colour. I am astounded at your knowledge of movie references I also want to say!"
--"Hamster Fizzimix," I sigh. "Always hard headed, existed on only one other place of the Metaverse. There he was also a gnome, although his kind were larger (and squishier) in that existence. You might recall him from Dreams of Krisskar some time back in the storyline.
--"I do remember him," says Mig whose recent post has lead me to some gender based questions. (You gotta give us some backstory there Migs).
--"Now," I continued, "Hamster exists as a being which, though only a foot high, is composed of material nearly as dense as stone, and with bones as dense as gold though much much stronger. His musculature, which may be silicone based, is immense measured in an energy per cubic centimeter sense; allowing he and his kind to hop up five times their own height, lift heavy objects, and resist nearly all kinds of blows.
--"In addition, Hamster is still a magic wielder and has been acknowledged by Dohlar, King of the Blue Hat Gnomes, as a Master Mage. He quickly leveled up to Master status amazing those of this demesnes. Sadly, he doesn't swim well, but his magic allows him to overcome that particular difficulty."
--"So," Chariya asks. "Is this Part II?"
--Pondering her question I answer, "No, not yet."

 

Fireangel curtsied to Mingo, glad for the edits.

She saw Immersion as he twiddled his thumbs. She shrugged a helpless apology. "It happens."

"Thank you, I suppose, for you astonishment, my dear hedge bard, though I think it is fairly common knowledge among our sort. Don't you? Fizzimix seems to know of Shakespeare, or at least of Hamlet, after all." The lady suddenly pondered the closeness in names. "Wait. Was that done on purpose?" She smirked, aware now that it likely had been. "Hamster, the Hamlet of gnomes, is it?"

The lady now pointed Immersion to a Fourth Wall to distract him, and perused for more allusions to Shakespeare.

 

(In the Fire Lotus Tavern) --A messenger hands me a letter, salutes, then leaves. Opening the letter I read an interesting report from a hireling, indicating that he has at last persuaded a government official of the following mathematical facts: 1) A + B =/= A and 2) A + B =/= B. "It only took five years," I grumble.
--Gerta looks troubled. "Does this mean Part I is ending?" she asks.
--Pausing to consider her question, I finally answer. "Yes."

 

"OMG!" the Time Lord Shouted, "It's the Part 1 Armageddon Formula! Everyone run for your lives!"
1) A + B =/= A and 2) A + B =/= B
~Time Lord~

 

(Part 2)