thanks for having me

since the thread has quieted down,I'm heading off now. Thanks for the support, and most of all,I'm sorry.

 

I'd keep an eye out on what's coming up, but a break is always good.

Good luck, bud!

Toodles!

 

Hey, we're glad to. We love you as a community.

 

To say you will be missed is an understatement. Whether that be in game or as a shroud of the avatar streamer. You have kept me company for many hours while I hunting or mining. Your honesty during your streams on any game was refreshing. I always remind people and shroud streamers that you are to blame for me grand mastering the skills I use in game. Since you were the one that said I should set goals in the game. I would've set a goal anyways, but you still made a good point for any game. Much less how many times we broke the game out adventuring. Who could forget you herding a troll towards Crossroads or when you blasted off of novia to the stars. I miss Gus. He would've made a great town mascot. You need to do what is right for you. There will always be an open door for you in novia. Should you decide to return one day. May you find all the bounties you seek both in life and in the virtual worlds.

 

Game is back to pre release pop anyhow... Maybe Episode 2 will be good enough to keep people interested Try it again, when its out.

 

Definitely not. One only needs to pop into town and open the " Nearby Players " to see we have more people now.

 

Definetly not. We are close to pre release numbers again.

 

I can't stop coming back to this thread, the insane outpouring of love in here is incredibly moving,and has been a source of a lot of positive emotions for me for the last few days, as well as a huge source of inner turmoil. My brain has been buzzing almost non stop since Saturday night. The problems I've been having will still be there for some time,but I thought you folks deserved an update on what's been going on in this gunked up old noggin of mine.

My mindset is very much steeped in the idea that failures mean far more than successes in general, and it has been proven to be true to me time and time again. R55 is only a few weeks away and there are a few things I want to do within it,I'll admit. It's been lonely adventuring on my own and some of you folks suggested adventuring together or hanging out and I would get behind that. The time I've been spending away in other games (currently engrossed in ESO) has been doing wonders for my sanity,as well as re-contextualizing some of the mechanics in the game I've been taking for granted as of late and got me thinking of ways to help make the game better through suggestions to the team.

I'm not going to lie,always being alone on the road and being a generally shy person in real life(I know,hilarious seeing as I'm a friggin' twitch streamer) and having never played an MMO before shroud (I don't count trials and games I only joined to test the genre) has made me feel rejected and apart from the community as a whole. It even felt sometimes like I was a genuinely disliked member of the community. I'm not as old as some of the players here and my social skills are stunted due to being boxed up in this house six days a week,only really leaving to go to the grocery store and my therapists office. I don't have local friends and live in a pretty crummy part of town as far as getting out and being social goes. My discord is also quiet ninety nine percent of the time and when it is active its usually because I am trying desperately to get some sort of conversation started.

Just like everyone else I wanna feel needed and wanted, and this thread has been doing that for me and it's been causing me to second guess a lot of thoughts I had recently. I'm not 100% set on coming back but I'm also not 100% set on leaving forever anymore, it's more of a 75/25 split either way depending on my mood. I don't know which way I'm going to end up falling on this. It feels crummy and like I'm just one huge hypocrite for even making the post,but there it is.

I also wanted to clarify something that was, on my part entirely, a misunderstanding. The person who owned the lot that the mall was going to be held on was and still is, a friend of mine, and has a bad habit of phrasing things in a way that my incredibly self sabotaging brain can interpret in ways that lead things off. I try to live in the moment as much as possible and this leads to miscalculations on an epic scale. What I interpreted as a flat out cancelling was more of a quickly worded concern that something similar to what happened in February to the mall back then. Coupled with his habit of staying hidden from the public eye by not having an open connection on discord it became the perfect storm of my own wild imagination filling in blanks in the worst way possible. The conversation went "I'm gonna rock the boat for the sake of the stream and to kick some people into changing how things run to make them smoother" "Well I guess I better get ready for you to overreact to something minor and act accordingly. ~signoff~" "Well I guess I'm hitler now, and this person who has been a huge supporter of mine for over a year hates my guts. Time to self destruct in the most glorious way imagineable." and the rest is history.

There is also one HUGE statistic against me coming back to the game, I won't go into any details to protect folks involved, but I have a BIG problem with a member of the community. it's not my place to stand up against this person and that chews me up inside on a regular basis. being out of game and away from the world you all inhabit has been like lifting that particular cinder-block off of my chest,I've been able to breathe better,so to speak. I will not be trying to drive this person,or any person,out of the world, that would make me no better,and I am already a monster, but it is a huge deciding factor on whether I can share the same planet as them. My mind is troubled a great deal.

I really like typing. Like a lot. So I will leave you all with a message I want to send.

To all the friends I have pushed away, Thank you for being my friends,I'm sorry I hurt you all the way I did. I miss you all terribly.
To the enemies I've made,both intentionally or not. I'm sorry that we've had these troubles,I hope you are well and that your lives are doing well. This world we all share is a rough place.
To the strangers who only knew of me in passing, I wish I had a chance to get to know you better, to adventure with you and share stories.

Maybe I'll be back,maybe I wont. I have a lot of thinking to do,and it's not gonna be easy.

Edit: This post is incredibly filled with errors that make me look either drunk,or an idiot. Both of those might have been true. Not changing it either.

 

You'll always have the support of the community here, that's what makes it so great. It's like a big family. Sure we may fight and argue at times, but when the chips are down everyone is willing to help! You have nothing to be sorry about.

 

Doctorface, I never met you but I wish you the best and do not hesitate to reach out if you need help.

 

Vlad is right though. There's plenty of good people playing at all times of day. Feels good to be an Avatar!