Tale of the Red Hat Gnomes - Part I

Thanks Fireangel, I needed that! For a moment there I thought I was err...umm... back in my youth buying some young lady a beer
~Time Lord~

 

The lady squinted at Time Lord. "I'm sure that you're better than this, Sir. Now have a care, or I shall call you Pinocchio, for I am certain your nose has just grown a bit."

 

Come to think of it, it was growing a bit with her too
~Time Lord~

 

Suddenly, Mingo got very agitated. His eyes grew wide and he began sweating profusely.

"Oh no, it's the Nightmare Man!", he whispered, "He's coming for me..."

"What is he staring at?", asked Chariya.

No one at the table could see that Mingo was hallucinating that a very tall (about 6’ 10”) albino man with long white hair was standing behind Fireangel. He was dressed in the attire of a proper Victorian gentleman, with a red silk puff tie, a black Bancroft double breasted vest, and a black Victorian Cutaway Coat. The Tall Albino Man had a wicked smile on his face.

"I will find you, Mingo, no matter where you go!", he said.

"No..keep him away from me!", shouted Mingo, as he recoiled in horror.

"Mingo, there's no one there!", said Gabriel, "Your cousin and I killed The Tall Albino Man months ago! You have nothing to fear..."

"He's not really dead, I tell you...", whispered Mingo.

 

"Um,... Gabriel, have you two had something bad to eat or drink?" She looked at him with concern, as he seemed to be sweating, and his eyes looked odd.

 

Time Lord managed to calm his cousin, Mingo, down by whispering something in his ear.

"Nothing to be concerned about, Fireangel.", said Gabriel, "Mingo seems fine, now."

"Please forgive my sudden outburst." , said Mingo, apologetically, "Let us continue with our story..."

 

"I wondered," she frowned, "if perhaps you two partook of something foul while I was off preparing my lunch."

 

Gabriel and Mingo both smiled at Fireangel

"Have no idea what you're talking about!", they said in unison, "We feel perfectly fine!"

"Yes, they seem fine to me!", chimed in Time Lord, who now appeared to be perfectly sober , "Are you sure it wasn't something you ate, Fireangel?"

Fireangel suddenly noticed that everyone in their little circle was staring at her rather oddly...

 

She scowled. "Brats. All brats."

 

"OK, I admit it was my idea!", said a grinning (and perfectly sober) Time Lord, "When you went to make a sandwich, we decided to act strangely upon your return and see how you would react. Heck, even cousin Mingo agreed to play along. Gotcha!"

Everyone started laughing. Fireangel did not appear to be amused.

 

"Why is everybody always picking on me?"
~Time Lord~

 

(Fire Lotus Tavern) --"What an eclectic group I have found in my tavern!" marveled FireLotus at the zany conversations. "I did so much enjoy your newest poem though FireAngel."
--"Most gracious of you dear lady," replied FireAngel with a curtsy.
--"Mingo m'boy," Gabriel warned, "beware of putting words in the mouths of devs!!!!"
--"Sorry about that bit of hallucination back there, which I am not sure was of my making," I commented. "I have had an episode of positional vertigo recently, which has thankfully passed; sometimes it makes me seem a little...odd...reliving memories I never experienced."
--Time Lord grinned, "Come come now, wasn't it you, Mingo, who coined the phrase 'I dreamed the future that never was; the past which never shall be' ?"
--"Why yes," I admitted. "That is one of my more memorable sayings; which I thought was relatively unknown!"
--Bov winked, "You are not so unknown as you think! Just anonymous."
--"A little odd?" FireAngel said in a soft voice, lowering her head and peering through the tops of her eyes which blinked fetchingly.
--"Gerta!" I called to our winsome serving wench. "Could you fetch me a bratwurst? With mustard please?" and at that I adjusted my brat so that it hung down a bit more in front, with the penannular broach at the level of my breastbone.

 

*Time Lord makes a belly shaking laugh* Oh Mingo!
~Time Lord~

 

I like gnomes and all but red hat blue hat? Sounds like that elton john movie, but then again this story is
better than the drivel that story contained, gnomes that can surf the web and order lawn mowers the end,
talk about a lazy movie, it was basically toy story the boring years.

But as a fan of gnomes I'd like to see em in this game, doubt they will be, their too awesome to exist in
rpgs these days aren't they, if they did exist I'd think 1000x more of this game. Gnomes are kick butt,
I collect em and have for years even though I don't have a lawn, I'd like there to be a gnome movie
one day, not one about lawn ornaments but one about actual forest dwelling non-toy non-deco actual
living creatures with lives and cultures and tree houses.

 

The lady palmed her face at the words of Razimus, and looked at him through the two fingers of her hand near her eye. She assumed he was so enamored by gnomes that he failed to notice a few things. She shrugged helplessly, and resorted to the only thing she could do. Fireangel smiled and nodded.

She gathered up her tray and took it to the kitchen. The lady cleaned the dishes and tray, and disposed of her trash. She rinsed out her tea glass and got a refill. Fireangel watched the little group to see when order would be restored, so that she might rejoin.

 

(In the Fire Lotus Tavern) --"Hail and well met, Razimus!" I call out cheerily to our newest de-lurked companion. Then I take the small notebook from my pocket, turn to a page and strike through lawnmower races. For a moment I seem woozy and have delusions of an all goblin guild somewhere....Green goblins....ah yes, the [Green Boogers] Guild, lead by Mucus, their guildmaster.. But then, goblins aren't gnomes. They had a motto about when you wanted to pick the best (guild)....
--"Let me know when you return to the story!" FireAngel calls from the kitchen.
--"Curioser and curioser," comments FireLotus. "Be sure and keep us differentiated, won't you dear Mingo?"
--"Indeed madam" I say with a bow. "If you are actually there; a point of which I am not sure."

 

(mid morning in the village of Writer's Ink) --I slept well, and rose after the sparse free breakfast at the inn had closed up shop....no big loss there. Packing my few traveling belongings I headed up the street to Katya's Koffee Klutch, grimacing at the remembrance of my poor horse, and regretting not being able to sell it to recoup my expenses.
--Ed and Terra were leaving at the same time. This was their first time in Writer's Ink, so they followed me to Katya's. When I opened the door for Terra she started to enter, then halted abruptly staring down in confusion. I looked around her to see one of the penguin waiters standing there, small clean towel folded over a flipper held in front of him, that was gesturing with his other flipper for us to follow him.
--"What IS that?" Terra asked.
--"Oh, just a penguin," I answered, "They are waiters here. Very friendly." As we entered I saw Jeb and Shania in a corner booth, arguing in that strained whisper common to married couples. Jeb waved to us absentmindedly without looking away from Shania's diatribe. I decided we should sit elsewhere.
--"Good morning M'Lord Mingo!" smiled Gerta. "I told you I would be working the morning shift!"
--"You....did?" I asked. "Good morning."
--"Oh, I was warned about this," Gerta said obliquely, "This 'now' will be your 'then' then, but it isn't yet. Sorry."
--Somewhere in the Metaverse, a time lord chuckled.
--"Gerta, this is Ed and Terra, the bounty hunters of Tampa," I said by way of introduction.
--"Well met gentles! Please have a seat."
--We ordered breakfast type food, despite the late hour. Suddenly Shania shouted something at Jeb, rose and stalked out of Katya's, slamming the door. I didn't want to know, and Ed along with his sister Terra studiously ignored the ruckus. Krisskar entered just as Shania left. Nodding to me he then joined Jeb at the far booth and began some low voiced but urgent conversing.
--"Here is a message from Lyra," Gerta said, handing me a small envelope. It read "Please make your way to my boat POSSUMROSE at your leisure. The tide will be right at 2:00pm, there is not a great hurry."
--"Impressive!" Terra observed. "I never heard an envelope read before!"
--"There are many odd things in Writer's Ink," I informed her. "Even the even numbers."
--Without speaking to us, Krisskar and Jeb rose and left, I presumed to go to the boat. The three of us ate rapidly and I ordered a Koffee to go. We three seemed to be of a mind when it came to traveling light, and hefted our few belongings to go to the boat.
--POSSUMROSE was a sturdy craft; half sailboat and half trawler it seemed. Single masted with both a jib and mainsail, she seemed to measure about 41 feet in length. The cockpit was enclosed and beneath the mast there seemed to be a seating area, sort of a conversation pit, of a unique design I had never seen on a boat before.
--"Ahoy there folksies!" called Lyra through one of the open windows of the deckhouse. "Just a moment!" We stood on the dock and watched the gulls flying about calling to the bois. Jeb, Shania, and Krisskar were no where to be seen.
--"Where are the rest?" asked Lyra.
--"Not sure," said Ed. "They were at Katya's but left before us."
--"Ah," Lyra acknowledged. "Do any of you have sailing experience?"
--"I do," I answered. "On a sloop rigged 25 footer."
--"Excellent!" Lyra said. "I hereby appoint you helmsman. You two ever sailed?"
--Ed and Terra both shook their heads no. Then from the land end of the pier came our three other companions. Jeb was carrying a new, heavy canvas bag, in addition to his usual pack. It clanked loudly when he set it down on the dock. "Hello," he said rather glumly.
--"Ah, Jeb!" Lyra smiled. "I hereby declare you First Mate."
--"I have only sailed a few times," Jeb said, most uncheerily. "and only as a passenger."
--"Not to worry," Lyra continued. "Your main job is to say, when appropriate, the following two phrases: 1) YOU HEARD THE CAPTAIN! 2) HOP TO IT! Think you can handle that?"
--"Aye aye Captain," Jeb replied with slightly less gloom.
--"Now," Lyra said sweetly, "I know that we are all on a first name basis," she then took on a more stern look, "but aboard POSSUMROSE my first name is CAPTAIN!"
--I was instantly aware of a grandmotherly sternness being revealed within Lyra's personality, and decided not to rock the boat. Lyra lead us aboard and found places for us to store our gear. The heavy bag Jeb brought turned out to be his armor, which was the cause of the earlier argument between himself and Shania.
--"It is yet an hour before we can cross the reef safely at high tide," Captain Lyra informed us. "Let me show you my boat!"
(Here you can see Lyra's boat, a video description) However, POSSUMROSE has an electric engine powered by electricity broadcast from the TESLA towers when in range, or batteries for a short duration when out of range. Mostly Lyra uses the sails.

 

(In the Fire Lotus Tavern) --I sat quietly in the pre-dawn darkness; remembering things. Perhaps it was true, that I dreamed the future that never was....the past which never shall be. I seem to recall being told in my childhood that I lived in a dream world..... Now various sea creatures came to mind; many of them considered fables by the current citizens of New Brittania. But I knew better....

(Aboard POSSUMROSE) --"I would really like to lie down," Shania said with more than tiredness in her voice. Terra yawned and blinked at the same moment.
--"You two take a turn below in the crew berths," Captain Lyra said. "You will be on the Starboard Watch. Mingo," she said turning to me, "You are the Starboard watch commander, if you think you can sleep, now would be a good time, take the forward berth. Jeb you shall be the Port Watch commander."
--Jeb looked silently at his left wrist without comment, although he seemed puzzled.
--Perusing my state of tiredness I was quick to agree. POSSUMROSE could be sailed single-handed, and I felt comfortable with the controls after Lyra's explanations. I was soon asleep, despite the Koffee I had consumed, and even the thudding on deck above failed to bother me. Always have I slept better aboard boats. So it was that I missed my chance to see what I thought at the time was only a mythological being.
--"Ed, go forward," Captain Lyra commanded, "Jeb, stand at the stern, and Krisskar stand by the wheel." Jeb smiled and repeated the two commands he had been taught, bringing a grin from Ed and a groan from Krisskar.
Lyra hopped onto the dock and rigged two lines slack around the bollards, flinging the loose ends to her crew. "Hold us against the dock until I say so," she said to a chorus of "Aye aye Captain!"
--Re-boarding, our Captain took the helm from Krisskar and bade him take the starboard seat. "Cast off!" she called to her deckhands, and with that she put the Tesla powered electric motor into low and pulled away.
--The day was sunny with hardly any wind this close to shore, due in part to the sheltering cove in which the marina lay. POSSUMROSE moved silently toward the exit to the sea. "Red right returning," Lyra repeated some mantra which seemed odd to Krisskar, but then Krisskar was not one for boats as a general rule.
--Passing through the narrows at the mouth of the harbor, a blast of exhalation sent a spume of vapor into the air just off the port bow. Lyra shut off the motor and went out of the deckhouse. "Stand by the wheel, Krisskar," she ordered. "Jeb, Ed, you can come look if you wish."
--"Salutations!" called a pretty girl swimming in the sea. Beside her a round head poked up and emitted a squeak of some kind; then opened its maw showing bright white teeth. "Your pilot today will be Foamy here."
--"Good to see you Foamy!" Lyra called as she retrieved a 25 lb fish from a cooler lashed to the mast in the forward cockpit. "here is your pay!"
--The pilot whale eagerly accepted the gift and squeaked gleefully. "Say," Lyra said looking at the swimming girl. "Aren't you PearlSand? I've not seen you in many many moons!"
--"yes! you remember me!" the girl smiled, shaking her head and the soaked, yet oddly still fluffy blonde hair that trailed far below her shoulders. "Father has put me on pilot supervisory duty because of my condition."
--While all this conversation was taking place, Jeb and Ed stood at the rail, mouths open, gawking at this beautiful girl treading water. Her full breasts bobbed just below the water line, and seemingly she had no top on. Taking notice of the two men PearlSand grinned at them, "Be careful gentlemen! A flying fish might fly into your mouth!"
--Ignoring her deckhands, Lyra asked the girl, "What condition?"
--"Look!" PearlSand gloated as she arched backward in the water, revealing an obviously pregnant belly beneath the magnificent (and bare) bosom. The top of what seemed to be her green bikini bottom was just visible as she did so.
--"Congratulations!" Lyra called. "Do take care not to exert yourself too much."
--"Not to worry, Captain. Fair winds!" and with that the girl doubled forward, flipped her tail and was gone beneath the waves.
--"That...." Jeb started to say.
--"but, but there's no such thing as....are there?" Ed added, blinking in disbelief.
--"Come come gentlemen," Lyra laughed. "Immersion takes many forms!" Foamy bobbed just off the Port bow and squeaked again. "Lead on good Pilot!" called Lyra, putting the boat in motion once again.
--"I'm glad Shania was below," muttered Jeb as he and Ed went into the deckhouse. Lyra began to sing softly some kind of sea chanty. "Sailing sailing, over the bounding main. The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh....." It seemed a bit nonsensical.
--"Do we get Grog rations, Captain," Ed asked.

 

*the Time lord lifts his head up and then in a "poof" disappears*
*Meanwhile back in Chiang Mai Thailand on May 5th 2014, an earthquake measuring 6.1 on the richter scale rocks all of Northern Thailand*
*Outside the FireLotus Tavern there's heard a very loud thunder that shakes the Tavern's rafters*
*Then a very young looking small Monk walks in and up to the bar and slaps a silver piece on the bar*

"Give me a drink!" said the small Monk to the barkeep. The bar keep looked very surprised back at the child and the Monk replied, "I'm to young to drink now, so set me up with a sarsaparilla, I got some serious thinking to do!"... The Barkeep's mouth was still hanging loose from his astonishment, meanwhile the young boy now slammed his fighting staff on the bar and yelled loudly at the barkeep, "Wake up you moron and get to it! It's me Time Lord and I'm in no mood to talk about it!"
~Time Lord~

 

Gabriel walked over to the bar, shook his head, and said, "So, Time Lord, it seems that you finally got your wish to be young again...although I suspect this wasn't exactly what you had in mind You do make a cute kid, though (Gabriel pat Time Lord on the head ) Did you ever think how difficult this will be for Chariya once you get her a new body?"

Chariya's holographic form suddenly appeared next to Time Lord, "Gabriel's right, my dear! If I have to wait for you to age to adulthood again, we will have a lot of explaining to do to people. I might end up in jail for consorting with a minor "