The R35 Unreliable Travel Guide

Womby and I are pleased to present the R35 Unreliable Travel Guide! This highly suspect journal has been published since release 12 by two drunken layabouts. Their highly speculative, alcohol-fueled musings are available here in this thread but soon also as limited editions in-game. The places in the stories probably do exist, but the stories that take place within them are highly unlikely to be true. Enjoy!

Each of the six stories below will correspond to one book for sale (due to book length restrictions). Like any respectable journal, there are only a limited number of copies. Once the hundred copies of each story are gone, no more will be created. Ever! Make sure to get yours before they are sold out.

Womby and I are always willing to help anyone with any book-related or publishing questions. Read the Guide to Writing and Publishing in SotA. We continue to offer friendly, supportive peer review at the SotA Writing Round Table. If you would like to work with us on the Unreliable Travel Guide, please let us know.

Do not hesitate to ask if we can be of assistance, and please stop by and visit our stores in Aerie, Central Brittany and now, Estgard!

While at Vyrin & Womby's, browse our full selection:

Treatise on Love and Musings on Death by Olthadir (5 books)
Three Guides by Alexander: The Novian Calendar, The Art of Typography, The Savvy Buyer
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Agriculture by Trojan V (3 books)
(S)Laughter is the Best Medicine by Ruinatre Rosemourne
Darkstarr's Chaotic Adventure by Aaxal Kuurle
The Dummie Series for Crafters by Lollie (6 titles, 7 books)
The R34 Unreliable Travel Guide
The Novian Legal Companion by Cassyr Dubois (5 titles, 9 books)
More from Ann Ominous (2 titles) and Themo Lock (5 titles)
Spooky Stories for Halloween from Olthadir, Cianna and Womby (3 titles, 5 books)
The History of the Multiverse by Kazyn Phoenixfyre (3 books)
Tyrannical Incompetence by Ann Ominous (4 books)
The Writings of Themo Lock (5 titles)
Refugees of Midras by Sophi
They Call Her Lady Warrior by Cianna (4 books)
The R32 Unreliable Travel Guide
The R33 Unreliable Travel Guide
Revelations by Vyrin, Episodes 1 and 2
Womby's Poems, Volume 1
Aurum Berries
The Yellow Pages - Second Expanded Edition

Other things to consider:

Display your books in our reading rooms!
Please reserve your unique publisher number so you can use the NBBN!
Check out the book publishing guide!
Thanks to all who completed the 2nd Anniversary Halloween Quest! It's still up if you want to try it.
Support all your favorite authors so their books appear on the bestseller list!
Add your thoughts to the Little Book of Gratitude 2016!
Come to our grand opening open house in Etceter!​

 

Road Kill

What began as a puzzling incidence of road kill on one of Novia's many byways has led to the discovery of yet another bizarre activity introduced by outlanders. In this case a deer was discovered on the road that runs parallel to the Upper Shimano river. Its ribs were crushed, as if it had collided with a massive object travelling at considerable speed. What could it have been? Everyone knows that Novian beasts cannot be ridden, yet the familiar "clip-clop" sound of horses has been heard increasingly on our roads lately.

To get to the bottom of this strange new phenomenon we sent our intern to infiltrate the seedy criminal underbelly that is the source of most illicit activities in New Britannia. It did not take long for him to hear of a new drug with the street name "coconut", which allows the user to travel at great speed. Apparently this alarming new drug is available from a pusher in Owl's Head. This dubious character can usually be found near the stables.

At our urging our intern procured some "coconut" and tested it so that we could report its effects. He discovered that an embarrassing consequence of taking the drug was that he made uncontrollable "clip-clop" noises, but fortunately those ceased when he stopped moving. Those using it say it is a small price to pay for being able to race down the roads at great speed in full plate armour.

Is this new drug a boon to personal transport or an evil menace to society? We're just reporters. We'll let you be the judge.

 

Hail Shark's Nest!

A few days ago, we at the UTG decided to revisit Owl's Head. We wrote many stories about our hometown before we moved our offices to Central Brittany, but have not been back since. We will always remain very fond of it. Where else did we learn the art of trying to, "derive a dishonest income from unsuspecting avatars?"

We were relieved when the vendors rushed us as they saw us approaching the city. It remains the epicenter of the art of the shady huckster. A gaudy mall full of laughably bad deals. A teeming mess of a town best described in a galaxy far, far away as a, "wretched hive of scum and villainy." Fortunately, Lord Enmar still averts his two blind eyes from all the devilish commerce, and so it continues to flourish. Villainy and evil are always much easier to tolerate when they are brought into town by a well-dressed merchant with a beautiful storefront who pays much in taxes.

One could try to argue that Owl's Head is not as nefarious as it seems. True, some may be looking for excessively enchanted war hammers that will shatter after three-quarters of one blow against an enemy. Oh but what an awesome blow it will be! Some may even enjoy paying more for commodities that are readily available for less at local crafting vendors. Ah, but surely this coal will burn much hotter! Some who are rich may think it fun to waste their money on things that are sold more reasonably elsewhere. Yes, displays of extreme wealth keep others in their proper place! The glory of Owl's Head these days remains those who prey on the inexperienced, the uninformed, and the easily duped.

Luckily, the flow of arriving avatars does not seem to be decreasing. They are the only ones who can be excused for shopping there, for a variety of more honorable merchants are available in communities a short journey from Owl's Head.

It may seem odd then that you will find no copies of the Unreliable Travel Guide on sale there. Most vendors would happily sell our publication, heck they happily try to sell anything that can be picked up. Still, we can't stomach the idea of anyone getting a cut of our profits. And perhaps in the end, the UTG is just too good a deal. Unlike all the things on sale in Owl's Head, you will probably get more than one use out of it.

 

The Tree

They call it "The Tree", but that simple name belies the deep affection that residents of Brittany Fields have for this ancient monument. Nobody knows how old it is - it seems to have always been there. Beneath its venerable branches, sweethearts have met, families have picnicked, children have played and couples have married.

So, when last winter a visiting real estate baron purchased the land on which the hill stands and sent a crew to remove the tree, the locals were not amused. It is of course pure conjecture to suggest that they were in any way responsible for the mysterious disappearance of the crew, followed by the equally mysterious disappearance of the baron.

All we can be sure of is that this spring the grass around the base of the tree seems particularly verdant, and new patches of beautiful flowers have sprung up making the tree even more striking than before.

 

You're Not Safe in a Hot Sulfurous Pool

Recently, a new craze has swept outlanders and natives alike. Perhaps it started as an idea springing out of the thermae in Lux Sanctuary. Perhaps it started as a crazy bet. Either way, it is endangering the lives of foolish Novians.

Many now extol the therapeutic effects of bathing in sulfur pools. They appear above and below ground due to the volcanic activity in the center of the continent. Even though we live in a world with healers and healing potions, sulfur bathers claim that the pools provide a level of relaxation that magic does not. When the cautious not that the dangers of using the pools in areas where monsters prowl causes stress, they are dismissed as having not tried it yet. The cautious forget that trends do not always follow logic.

But the greatest danger of all lies inside the pools themselves. Bathing can stir up the remains of many things that have died therein. Stories abound of those who have been surprised to find something pop up from the water. We know of one such fool, a purported healer himself, who deep in the Verdantis mines disturbed the bones of an ancient warrior with predictable results. We hear it isn't very relaxing to fight the undead in your underwear.

We urge those who still fail to head the warnings to invest their time and energy in finding safe sulfur pools to enjoy. Contact Lux Sanctuary and see what they can do for you.

 

Strange Rituals

A casual stroll through Estgard should reveal to even the most unobservant that the town has a history that dates back many hundreds, if not thousands of years. Various stone monoliths scattered around the landscape stand testament to a long and mysterious past, with strange carvings hinting at long forgotten rituals of unknown purpose.

Nowadays of course these mysterious objects serve only as tourist attractions and backdrops to wedding celebrations, and they would hardly be worth mentioning were it not for a recent incident.

A few days ago a particularly notable set of stones served as the backdrop for the wedding of a wealthy merchant's son. The merchant spared no expense catering for the event, and copious amounts of alcohol were consumed as the post-nuptial celebrations drifted on well into the night. Around midnight, taking their inspiration from the highly intoxicated merchant, those revellers who remained all stripped off their clothes and danced naked around a central monolith.

What happened next was reported by two normally reliable witnesses who happened to be strolling along the cliff top above. As they glanced down they were initially shocked to see a group of naked dancers, but they were even more offended when the revellers below started dancing the Starrlton, an inexplicably popular dance that has recently been introduced by outlanders. It was at that moment that a strange demonic creature suddenly emerged from a portal and just as quickly departed, dragging all the cavorting guests with him.

Now, we are not saying that dancing naked at midnight is something that should be avoided. Nor are we disparaging those who wish to dance the Starrlton. We do, however, advise caution when performing both of the above in the presence of ancient monoliths with mysterious carvings.

 

A Heart for Wolves

Etceter lumberhack Herbert Higglethorpe grew up with a heart for woodland creatures. He always took pains to relocate birds and squirrels before he put his axe to a tree.

Last week, when he saw a drowning wolf, he felt a supreme moment of destiny. He had watched as the wolf chased a stag into the tide and got caught in a strong undertow. Without hesitation, he rushed out into the waves to pull the scratching and clawing beast back to shore. After seeing the wolf dart back safely into the woods, Herbert, now dripping pools of blood, dragged himself back to town. He finally collapsed within sight of a guard.

After three days, Herbert woke up in the local hospital surrounded by a crowd curious to discover what had happened to him. Overcoming his weakness, he breathlessly relayed the valiant story of his rescue of the drowning wolf. When he finished, he waited for the admiring words that would surely come. Instead he was met with a few minutes of icy stares.

A fellow lumberjack at the back of the group finally mumbled, "I lost two fingers to a wolf just yesterday. It's so hard to swing my axe now." A merchant turned and addressed everyone, "A large wolf in the same vicinity just dragged off one of my long-time guards! The man was due to retire the next day!" A young woman scowled. "I thought one of the local brats had stolen the chicken pie I left on the windowsill to cool!" Herbert tried to object but he couldn't speak over an eruption of shouting. "I lost two sheep that very day, right during my midday nap!" "My little Timmy is so afraid of going outdoors, no wonder why!" "Something's been stirring up the undead by the mine!" "The ferry from Xenos is ten minutes late!" "My forge just cracked!" "I found a bug in the well water!"

Slowly the crowd dissipated, shouts fading to whispers. Herbert lapsed back into unconsciousness. That night, the nurse on duty found Herbert's bed empty on her rounds. There was a note on the stand next to the bed, It read, "I got better. I am leaving town. Don't look for me." The nurse found it odd that Herbert could write a note. Both his hands were tightly bandaged.

The nurse notified the guards. They have not found Herbert. Everyone they question seems to know nothing about his disappearance, yet they all express how pleasant things seem to be in Etceter these days.

 

The Community resources page in this week's SotA update letter
https://www.shroudoftheavatar.com/?page_id=59279

has a link to the August article about @Vyrin and @Womby 's first two bookstores.
https://www.shroudoftheavatar.com/f...le-now-the-r32-unreliable-travel-guide.58026/

In the meanwhile there is a third bookstore and their publication of the Unreliable Travel Guide continues each release in this forum. It takes some hunting to find all the monthly posts with the UTG. This R35 one is in the "Reoccuring and Future Events" section.

It would be great if the future UTG's were either in this section, or possibly each contained a list of links to all the previous Release's UTGs. The Avatars yet to discover New Britannia would then find this trove of amusing information more easily.