Themo Lock's words of questionable wisdom

Don't lick the Moon Tower

Strolling through Owls Head town alone and late at night,
no questing left unfinished and no rogues around to fight,
I came upon a Moon Tower that glowed unearthly blue,
intrigued and slightly drunk i set down my mug of brew.

My elders had forbade me to approach the tower since i was very young,
yet without a first or second thought... i probed it with my tongue,
demons surged inside me! tearing at my very core,
my bowels released, i screamed aloud and tumbled to the floor.

I awoke some hours later to a guards boot and look of disgust,
my ears were bleeding, my briefs were soiled... bathing was a must,
a mental note was made that day to act only after i think,
and don't pass out in public or some jerk will steal your drink.



For a reading from the fantastic Doctor Shroud click here.

 

I am so doing a visual piece in acrylics to accompany this.

 

Vick the genius

Vick was not a thinker of great note by any means,
forethought and common sense were just not present in his genes,
yet alchemy was his passion and tinctures were his love,
despite his lack of working knowledge and understanding thereof.

He gathered reagents daily, working late into the night,
searching swamps for herbs and battling lich and sprite,
devoid of lore or recipe he boldly combined them all,
in a rusted iron cauldron which he stirred with broken maul.

He bottled the chaotic concoction in discarded potion flasks,
and grinned with pride and satisfaction at the completion of his task.
it was time to drink and test his potion to discover its effect ,
he didn't know if it was poisonous but he probably should have checked.

His vision blurred, his hair fell out and extremities went numb,
skin turned blue, teeth turned green and ears began to thrum,
he could suddenly hear colours and became uncomfortably erect,
but beyond all odds and reason gained superior intellect.

He now understood that he was dying and knew exactly why,
paralysed and enlightened he softly began to cry,
his new knowledge of the reagents used filled his mind with dread,
but before a cure could be concocted ... Vick the genius was dead.


For a wonderful reading by Lord Baldrith click here.

 

Sorry to be a bother but could a moderator please combine this with my "don't lick the moon tower" thread? i plan on doing more so i will just turn that into "Themo Lock's words of questionable wisdom".

EDIT: Thanks almighty moderator! /bow

 

Noob-skin Boots

Let me tell a tale of bovine wrath and fear,
the most terrifying tale you will likely ever hear,
a story that will transport you to the nightmares of your youth,
though sounding false and suspect, i swear it is the truth.

I was aiding young adventurers, we had formed a roving band,
i showed them points of interest as we toured this scenic land,
we quested, explored and battled, we danced, drank and laughed,
until one young lad raised the question "Hey Themo how do i craft?".

"Well" i said "good question, it's simple at its roots",
"recipes are abundant but lets start with leather boots",
"the ingredients are simple, according to the guides",
"the obvious place to start would be to gather hides"

"Hides you say?" the same lad asked, a furrow on his brow,
until an excited lass chimed in "hey how about this cow?"
her plan was sound, the cow was handy, it did not seem unwise,
nobody seemed to own the thing so i shouted "kill it guys!".

The party surged towards the beast, rusty swords in hand,
this shouldn't prove a challenge i just hoped it bore no brand,
one of the party, overly keen attempted a body slam,
but the cow simply blinked and voiced the words " VAS FLAM"

Fire erupted from its hoof, and engulfed the would-be crafter,
he screamed and died, i bit my tongue and ceased my merry laughter,
the newbies froze and turned to me with fearful questioning eyes,
"ummmm" i said at a loss for words "this plan we must revise".

The cow lazily wandered to the crafters corpse, skinning knife in hoof,
i had always suspected cows were evil, now i had my proof,
with horror i realised the beasts intent and rushed in to resurrect,
stealth not being my primary trait, my approach it did detect.

"IN POR" it said in husky voice, vanishing from sight,
"thank god" i thought relieved, at least we avoided a fight,
but from behind me screams erupted as well as a chilling "MOOOO!"
i cast my spell and turned in time to see it bite a noob... and slowly chew.

"GET IT OFF!!" the poor lass screamed to no avail, the rest of our team had scattered,
aside from one brave newbie soul who was bloody, bruised and battered,
he gripped the beasts tail and thrust his blade where the Novia sun don't shine,
The cows eyes widened, it released its prey and it fled with a tortured whine.

The group reformed and heals were cast, nobody said a word,
each of us knew we could tell no-one, the tale would seem absurd,
"OK" i said in trembling voice "back to crafting armour",
"No thank you" the crafter said "i think i want to be a farmer".


For a perfect reading by Solstar click here.

 

^ The above cow can now be found in Owls Head near the skill trainer... i suggest you all leave it the heck alone.

 

Wonderful work Sir Lock. Was hilarious and informative too!

 

Thank you doc, i enjoy writing but rarely share it. I wrote a 2400 page novel that nobody will ever see heh ^.^

 

Maybe someday you'll slowly show more of your talents and continue to captivate others with your words! -Otherwise I'll have to get a high sneak level and bypass your watchful eyes to take a peak- Muhahahahaaaa....cough cough.

 

The Player Killer

Across from the skill trainer, behind a rock,
the player killer lurked and watched the clock,
his eyes were peeled, his blade was keen,
his steel was smudged to remove the sheen.

As players arrived to learn new skills,
he would leap out and strike for easy kills,
he cared very little for honour or class,
if people went AFK he would kick their ass.

A wounded player approached the NPC,
an easy target, this kill would be free,
he charged and swung a mighty blow,
it scratched his victim, the damage was low.

The player turned, his eyes wild and wide,
"by Leviathans beard! i will have your hide!",
the killers heart sunk, this was no fun,
this guy was uber, time to run.

A crowd of warriors blocked his retreat,
there was no escape, this looked like defeat,
justice was swift, his body was toast,
"oOOoOOo" he yelled as a ghost.

That didn't go well, quite the surprise,
the crowd laughed and cheered his demise,
his victim approached and silenced the chants,
"I hope you like tea" he unzipped his pants.

 

Very Creative Loved it =)

 

Excellent work Thermo...Partically liked the alchemist story! Very grim turn of events!

 

Thank you for the feedback

 

Hopefully it is not scratch-and-sniff.

 

Tuesday Night Fever

I was resting my legs in Braemar while eating a bowl of soup,
when the town was blessed with the arrival of an outlander minstrel troupe,
they set up in the tavern and tuned their fiddles, flutes and lutes,
an opportunity i could not pass up, i laced my dancing boots.

Without speech, announcement or any form of delay,
the chords were struck, a beat was set, the band began to play,
the tune was crisp and lively, employing compound meter,
the patrons rose and began to dance with merry drunken teeter.

A shadowy figure approached me, his gait intent and slow,
he threw aside his pack and cloak and said "Lets battle bro!",
without delay i launched into a jig with baroque style and grace,
i finished with a free spin chasse, then paused and shouted "FACE!".

Confused and somewhat angry, the stranger drew his sword,
a look of bemused anger on his face "I meant lets fight!" he roared,
disappointed and embarrassed i drained his life and took a seat,
the battle wasn't satisfying, he could barely hold a beat.

 

^True story.

 

I loved them, thank you for sharing

 

Seriously you must write this in a book once we release. I want to have a library of things like this. Stories, poems, Lore etc.

This is great, I tried to make a poem once and well it never happened. This takes talent, that I don't have.

 

We want to see this in New Britannia your talent is noted...

Hell since I can't write I will even write it up in a book for you and of course give you the credit. I get a copy for my library of course.

Asking someone to write 2400 pages is just mean LOL!!!

 

It would be cool if there were enough mechanics to support a public library in the game.